I have been totally and completely disconnected. I have not read blogs, been on twitter or facebook …

In part because I was solo parenting while J hosted a chemistry conference.

I haven’t been running as much either (bummer) but I am still getting exercise in everyday (almost!)

It is also March Break.

So the kids and I are lounging around in our PJ’s, or shopping or just being together.

Some parents grumble about having the kids off.

I am loving it.

Becca is growing and changing so much. It is great to have her around all day chatting and sharing. Ethan is loving having his big sister around.

Cordi is teething hardcore Not fun for her or me!

I will reconnect.

Just not yet. Hope you are well. Miss you.

Since my last post was such a downer (thanks for all the support!), I figured I better start focusing on the things that make me smile.

• Listening to Becca sing a Lights song (then grumbling that the girls at school haven’t heard of her!)
• Looking for dragons in the forest on our way to school with Ethan. There is a large population of orange and blue dragons located there.
• Watching Cordi scoot backwards, then get really frustrated when she meant to go forwards.
• Experiencing J as a professor, preparing, organizing and hosting a conference and taking on more administrative like stuff (even though he would much rather be tweaking chemicals and making new molecules)
• Noticing my pants getting looser and looser (yet not fitting into the next size down grrr). Feeling strong and empowered.
• Seeing the sunshine and lying in the sun beams through the window.
• Reconnecting with friends from the past.
• Keeping my house cleaner.
• and lastly working on a project with J that I hopefully can reveal to you guys soon

What is making you smile today?

I have no reason to have the blues lately, yet I do. I have been trying to dig down and figure out why I am feeling this way. It is frustrating.

Life is good. Working out, losing weight, the kids are doing well (although Ethan is still sick with a cold he just pushes through it) …. J is super busy but that is the life of a chemistry professor. He is working long hours, with no real end in sight.

Part of me feels like I need something to look forward to. Everything feels mundane and routine. We do not have the funds to take a vacation and with J being so busy I would be going solo with the kids even if we could.

Retail therapy is out since we are trying to pay off the student loans. I seem to never have time to craft at the moment. I do find when I do not have a creative outlet I get down.

I know part of it is that I am lonely. With J working more, my BFF here just had a baby and has her husband at home so she is busy, and I have few other reliable resources to tap into. We have been here for a few years but I have yet to find a good (yet small) group of friends.

Granted I have been busy and I have my Amy (hehe), but I feel like I want more? Maybe? You know with all the spare time I have. Can’t you guys just move here? But it isn’t that I really want to go out and start networking, I just want to feel sorry for myself that I haven’t already got more friends.

I was hoping to convince J that the perfect birthday present would be a dog. And although he is no longer opposed to the idea, he feels it isn’t the right time.

It kinda feels like it isn’t the right time for anything.

That is a drag.

How do you perk up when feeling down?

Labels.

They can empower us or pull us down. Just because a label fit you before doesn’t mean it fits you now.

I am a RUNNER.

I am on a DIET.

I read CHILDREN’S LIT (and like it!)

I used to look at runners in awe and disbelief. Why would anyone in their right mind run? Scary Bear … Run Like Hell. For fun? Not so much. I would pass a runner by in my car, and wonder why? What would possess a person to get all sweaty and run?

Now that I wear the label of runner, I get it. I understand that high, the sense of empowerment and the pure energy one feels during and after a run. It was a life lesson. If you do not understand it, try it.

I used to not work out everyday.

I used to snack.

I used to be able to eat almost anything and be alright.

Now … I have different labels that match where I am right now. It is hard to shed the old labels. Sometimes it is hard to believe in change. I work out everyday. I may not look it (yet), but I am a fit woman. I am strong.

I used to make excuses for who I am. I would get embarrassed that I liked certain books, or genres. I would poke fun at myself for liking the works of Joss Whedon (think Buffy), that I collect dolls, knit and would rather spend the night in reading than out at a club.

As nerdy as all those things are. The grand total make me. I am a creative soul, that likes to play lego, My Little Pony, video games, colour and sing songs in the rain with my kids. As an adult I like a little fantasy in my Middle Earth, there is room for fairies, hobbits, Ents and magic.

We all have labels.

Do you have any labels that do not fit anymore but keep hanging around?

How do you shed the negative or the old labels?