I was feeling weighed down.

I hate that feeling.

I have a to do list that is way too long. I am rarely if ever getting anything scratched off my list and I was getting frustrated.

I am trying to do too much. Yet nothing seems optional, like not important enough to be done. All of it has importance. Hence why it is on my to do list.

This week I have finally got to the point that I can scratch things off the list.

All too often I get so wrapped up in the to do, that I totally get overwhelmed. Need to take it down a notch. I so always get, “How do you do it all? Don’t you sleep?” and yet so often I do not see it that way.

I am trying to get used to working from home (Work at Home Moms are goddesses). I cannot imagine doing it full time. I would be absolutely stressed out. Yet it is all coming together now.

Welcome to my A Pink October theme (be it two days late), in honour of Breast Cancer Awareness month, for all those affected by Breast Cancer and all cancers … Take care of yourselves, you are loved and needed.

I NEED to know.

DO you dye your hair?

Are there environmentally friendly products out there?

HELP.

See the thing is, I always thought to myself, “Self, you will age gracefully, gray naturally and love yourself”.

Somehow, Self thought that at 32 I should be graying. Like a lot. See if you ask anyone else, they say it is not a lot of gray.

They are wrong.

There is a TON of gray. I am starting to feel dull. I do not want to feel dull. I want to feel VIBRANT.Oh and umm I do not want to age YET. Like later, when I am old. I am not old. I am at my prime baby! While pregnant I chose not to dye my hair, now I need a change … a dark chocolate brown I think, maybe? What do you think?

So please tell me sweet internets … do you dye? Do you let someone else dye (I am cheap so chances are not for me)? Can we dye and not devestate the planet?

Not only was I totally cranky this weekend, it was a busy weekend that wiped out the kids, making them cranky too. I so hate it when we do not mesh well together. It was almost all me too. I was off, so there was more whining, more crying, more being at odds.

I think I was burnt out. Last week was truly crazy busy, more so than I can handle I guess. Friday was suppose to be the relax, veg out, catch up day however we went to see the doctor instead.

I need to be ok at being still. Just because Ethan excels outside does not mean I cannot find ways to creatively stimulate him indoors. It has been easy to have him tag along, but he is becoming his own person, deserving that one to one activity time. It is very challenging living in an apartment with children. I like challenges. I just need to think creatively.

The children share their room, leaving an extra room we use as a playroom (it is not a traditional room, it is a “den” off the dining room). Eventually, Ethan will need to move up to a bed from his crib. We had great success with Becca, making that transition early, when she was about 16 months she started to sleep on her bed for naps then she made the decision to sleep in a bed from 17 months on. I was talking with another mom, stating how we liked to go through these milestones a little earlier than most, she too liked to move her kids to beds early.

Exploring

So I was inspired. J & I had decided that we wanted to get Becca a loft bed to save room. I started looking at used bunk beds and lofts, but everyone seemed to want a lot of money for used beds. I did not actually intend on purchasing a new loft bed, but there was a sale and my dear sweet problem solver of a husband just wanted to take of it.

Becca loves her loft bed. Sleeping in a “Tree house” is totally cool. What I did not expect is the pure envy that Ethan has. He so desires to be just like Becca. Being three years younger he is constantly frustrated. Top that with two molars breaking through his itty bitty gums and he is beside himself with frustrations and crankiness.

We were all hanging out in their room reading stories and playing when at 10 am Ethan nursed then fell fast asleep, on the BIG BED. I figured since he does not normally nap in the morning, I would let him be and he would wake early, still needing an afternoon nap.

Ethan slept for over three hours.

In a big bed.

With the door open.

My kids are so cool.

I do not expect Ethan to make the full transition to a big bed anytime soon. Yet there is so much joy in knowing he is up for a challenge, capable of handling change.

.. more concerning Becca’s birthday. I am quite proud how it all turned out and so glad that I put forth so much energy to make it just right.

There were a few things I focused on for Becca’s party. I wanted it to be relaxed (no crazy pressure, no ponies, no psychotic clowns), environmentally friendly (as little waste as possible) and most of all a reflection of Becca. Becca being a huge nature buff, there was no question the party should be held outdoors. Being we do not have a backyard, the next best was our local playground. It was a little frustrating to prepare the food to be transported, but in the end it was worth it.

Waste was so minimal I was shocked. We took our own garbage bag (I did not want to fill the playground garbage, trek it in trek it out), as well as our compost bin. I had purchased plates from Target, so we were covered there (And they are cute for future picnics!), the only garbage we had were from the two not so environmentally friendly items we had. Becca adores balloons, so there was no question a few had to be present at her party. She also specifically asked for those annoying squeakers, so as wishes go it was a pretty attainable one. I will be looking to see if I can create a squeaker of sorts that can be reused, rather than squeaked, chewed (ew) then tossed.

The food needed to be kid-friendly and economical. So peanut butter and honey it was! The kids loved it and it was easy to prepare and move. We had vegetables, hummus, watermelon, crackers and of course the cake. I made way to much cake (I also prepared cupcakes, somehow the cake did not seem “enough” I was wrong!) I made the cake and icing from scratch then decorated it with nature items. I also tinted the icing with a splash of peppermint to give it a “green” taste!

Becca’s crown was created by me, based on a pattern in the book “The Creative Family” (great book by the way, very inspiring). I wanted to give her something extra special, created by her mom, just for her. She has had to compromise so much this past year, she deserved an extra little something. I am going to work on a crown for Ethan as well over the winter months, so he too can be extraordinary on his special day.

Presents I am always terrible. I try to be low key, but I want to give the kids tools to explore their creativity and imagination. Becca received a second hand bike early as part of her gift, however when I saw the kitchen for $50 (!gasp!), I HAD TO BUY IT! For real the same kitchen retails for over $170! She also received a collection of new books to read, as well as a Leapster (from her brother). Every gift giving opportunity J asks me if I am going to go low key and I agree, then as time goes on I collect little things here and there and next thing I know the children as spoiled *blush*.

Are your birthday parties for kids low key or out of this world? How do you decide what to buy the kids?

My dear sweet baby is now four. It happened in an instant, yet the last four years have been so full of adventure.

(I created the crown for her special day!)

Becca is the most resilient little girl. Enduring endless moving, good byes, making new friends, saying good bye to her cherished pet, creating new places to call home, all with grace. She amazes me everyday and I am honoured to be her mom.

(Becca had a party at a local playground)

This year has been particularly difficult. Being three is hard, in itself, without the other nonsense. Yet Becca has turned four and blossomed. She is curious, exciting and adventurous. She rides her bike, climbs, jumps, looks at her books, loves a good story and adores her friends. Swimming, hikes, nature and dinosaurs all rank top in her world. Cats, butterflies and fairies have captured her attention. She is learning her letters and numbers at her own pace, enjoying the process of recognition. She takes great pride in all that she can achieve.

(Becca about to blow out the candles)

She played soccer this year, although she now tells me that rather than soccer she would like to take ballet! She has become smitten with dresses and all things that are girly. Yet still gets down and dirty to play (gosh how I love her!) When we went on vacation she had the opportunity to reconnect with her best friend, who she misses dearly.

(Becca waited till her birthday to open the gifts from her Grandparents and Auntie)

Becca has fallen in love with her brother. Ethan, although “Mr Destructor Man” is also quickly becoming a faithful companion. She introduces him to others, and ensures that Ethan is included in play with others. She gives him random drive by hugs and enjoys wrestling him ot the ground (little does she know it will not be long till the table turn).

(We found this wooden kitchen for an amazing deal, Becca loves to pretend!)

Becca truly is an amazing little girl. She forever has changed me, becoming her mom was one of the greatest moments in my life. Making me, and all that surround her better people, just by knowing her.

Happy Birthday Boo. We love you!

(I hope to upload some photos on Flickr later today)