Pics of the Day ~ Rocker Ethan & Dare Devil Becca ~

Life is in crazy turmoil time. Only a few short days to go. Not sure which way is up at the moment. I am organizing, purging, barely keeping sane and trying to parent two incredibly cute and demanding children.

I could turn the tv on and walk away. I could allow Becca to do as she wishes against my own wishes and not establish boundaries. Yet I know that once we arrive at our destination I will pay dearly for such actions. So instead I quietly remind her that I do not like to be yelled at. That once she is finished screaming she can come talk to me. I am trying not to lose my patience or my cool. I succeed some of the time, yell the other times, then curse myself for allowing an almost three year old to get the better of me.

I am mourning the loss of two great friends. Damn I am a better woman now, knowing them, spending time with them, knitting with them. Marina and I went to dinner Monday night and chatted three hours away. It was heart wrenching to say good bye. Then the very next day, I hugged Holly after an anxious day (see her blog! It was wild!) wondering how the hell I am to parent without her sound advice that ALWAYS works.

When one moves around a lot it is hard not to want to become a mountain man. Isolate oneself to protect the heart from this achey, pukey empty feeling. Yet if that was my approach, I would not have met these women, and come to adore them so.

Internets you can NEVER leave me! I should return to bed now. This post has been in my head for a few days … it is 4 am and I am sad. Hopefully my true morning will bring me around to the excitement of moving, the new adventure and my super cute kids.

Pics of the Day ~ Father’s Day at the Beach ~

It was surreal to drive to the beach yesterday, knowing that it was the last time life would take us down that path. We talked about wishes to return to this area for fututre vacations and how we never would have thought it would be so hard to move on. We pondered how J’s chemistry has taken us so far from home. Exploring Facebook, has made me realize how few people ever leave home. We all talked big dreams of blowing that popcycle stand and living an exciting life in Vancouver, Toronto … anywhere but there. Yet I am one of the few that left.

Father’s Day was awesome! I was concerned that our day at the beach was going to be cancelled. We took Ethan and Becca to the pool on Saturday, being that we live in the ghetto we did not see the broken beer bottle until J resurfaced with a gash on his foot. Poor guy was out of swimming for the weekend! Being the trooper that he is, J bandaged his foot and ventured to Laguana beach! He lounged with Ethan in the shade while I trekked back and forth with Becca to the water’s edge. It was a wonderful day. Somehow I got burnt to a crisp (I even applied sunscreen darn it!) but the rest of the crew came home unscathed.

We are spending our last week here, preparing. I have been trying to organize, purge and prepare all the while entertaining the almost three year old and the newborn. Fun stuff. Tonight I am going out for dinner with Marina, then tomorrow we are celebrating Jamie’s “pretend” birthday at Holly’s. How can it be time to say good-bye so soon?

Pic of the Day ~ J with his kids ~

J seriously adores his kids. I am so lucky that he is such an active and involved Dad. He truly cares about their well-being and supports all my parenting ideas (even the more “crunchy” ones). We are headed to the beach tomorrow for a fun Father’s Day treat before the real work of moving starts. Can you believe it we move in like a week and a half?!?!

J wakes up with Ethan every night, changes his diaper with his eyes half open then passes him to me to nurse, before passing out again. EVERY NIGHT. J gets up every morning, helps Becca with breakfast. This has been their routine since she was six months old starting solids. EVERY MORNING.

Until recently, J was the one to bath Becca every night (we switched her to an pre-supper bath to avoid hyperness right before bed). Every night the four of us crawl onto Becca’s bed and read stories.

He babywears, changes cloth diapers, washes said diapers, co-sleeps when needed, uses postive discipline and pretty much takes my word on parenting decisions, supporting me 100%. He has stayed home with a sick Becca so I could meet my mystery mom, he ensured I could go knitting every Sunday by using that time to be with Becca one to one.

He danced a jig to make me laugh while having contrations with Ethan. Held my hand when I screamed, asked the nurses to get me an epidural when I could not take anymore pain, then whispered encouragement in my ear as the needle was jabbed into my back.

Above it all, he supports my dream to stay at home with the kids, valuing it as much as I do. Even though that means we eat a lot of spaghetti, do not have all the latest gadgets and share a car.

From all of us … Becca, Ethan and myself … Happy Father’s Day J! We love you! xoxo

Dad … You always came back, even when no one else did…You are my best friend, we love and miss you so much! Becca says that you are going to help her make a snowman in Los Alamos (not sure if there will be snow when you come in the fall but she will not be convinced otherwise!) Thanks for always believing in me Dad … 

Pics of the Day ~ The kids at the gardens last week ~

While driving in the car, Becca and I were discussing best friends.

Mommy asks … “Who is Pooh Bear’s best friend?” -  Piglet

“Who is Tigger’s best friend?”  - Roo

“Who is your best friend?” - YOU!

All the moments she rejected me melted away. I am still her best friend! Maybe just maybe this moving thing will not be so bad. I hate that we are leaving her first friends behind. Heck I hate that I am leaving some darn good friends behind!

Oh my! If you are looking for a great gift for a 3 year old, look no further that “Lego My First Builder” board game! Becca loves it! We have played it everyday since her party! Thanks Holly! It has greatly increased her interest in Lego too.

Marina and the boys are coming today to visit. This will be the last time Becca will see them. I cannot believe the end of the month is so quickly approaching. I have so much to do still. I do not want to say good bye.

Pics of the Day ~ Ethan and Becca ~

Ethan is so into me. hehe! I am the mother goddess, Ethan worships me. Really good for the exhausted ego. Especially considering my soon-to-be three year old does not like me all that much at times.

His smiles light up the room. Ethan has begun to track our movements, coo and “talk” to us and is Mr Smile. He sleeps so good most nights. Up once, maybe twice to eat then goes directly back to sleep. How can I complain? Last night he zonked out at 10pm, woke at 4 am to eat then out till 7:30 am! Good sleep for all! Ethan is a calm and sweet baby.

Becca has entered a new era. She is trying so hard to be independent. “I can do it all by myself” is her mantra. She challenges herself on a daily basis. She is constantly trying new things. Today she was doing somersaults on her bed! I was so impressed! Some days are amazing. We get along, she cooperates, listens and we enjoy each other so much. Then there are the other days. We fight, she has melt down, screams, tells me “NO DON’T SAY THAT … NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Yeah, it does not fly all that well with me. I consider myself a somewhat patient person, but damn the girl has gotten to me a few times.

To top it off, being a tad hormonal still and tired I got it in my head that this little person needed to appreciate me and all that I do for her. I was being worn thin, I needed validation. Why in the world I was seeking it from a two year old I do not know. Yet I could not let it go, I tried to talk to J about it … still I wanted her to appreciate me.

I know this stems from me not having a mom. I did not have all that Becca has, no woman loved me like I as her mother, loves Becca.  Thankfully Holly helped me see what I could not. In order for Becca to appercaite me and all that I do, she would have to experience life without me. A harsh, horrible life without the love we share. I obviously do not wish that for my daughter. My hope is that I can always and forever be there for my sweet little monster angel. So I am no longer seeking that validation from her. No longer expecting that she will recognize the sacrifices and experiences I am trying to share with her.

Instead, I try to make it through each day without yelling, losing my temper or patience. I am trying to show Becca love when she shows me anger and frustration. I am trying to remember when she tells me she does not want a hug and kiss before falling asleep, that she does not mean to hurt me, rather she is trying to find her place in the world, exert her independence, control what she can. Today was a good day until bedtime. Somehow it became much later than it should have been and Becca was so tired. She just could not deal with us, the rules, routines and the world any longer. I am quite proud that only had a momentary loss of zen mom, quickly recovered and hugged the little monster girl.

Now I am going to tip toe into her room, give her the hug and kiss we missed and stare down at my beautiful daughter. I do this every night, no matter what our day was like. Gosh I love her so. Maybe I will give her two kisses.