This idea has been floating around in my head for months. I am not alone in pondering it.
It wigs me out really.
At what point does a woman give up on their sexuality?
To clarify, I am talking about the apparent lack of desire to care for oneself. Men do it too, however me not being a man I do not care (although if J let himself totally go I may care, although I cannot imagine). To further clarify, I am not talking about sweats, hair tied back, with running shoes as a mom uniform (hello I have yet to shower today!) I get that. I am a casual girl, never really “dressing up”, I tie my hair back and finding me time to pamper is totally hard.
I still want it.
I want to be pampered. Get a nice haircut. Look smoking hot in a pair of jeans. I want to display my style (or the lack thereof) with finesse. I want it.
Now some days are just blah days for sure. Nor I am not talking about weight, or clothes. It is not about money because I see upper middle class women doing the same thing. Yet it appears some women give up their sexuality completely. They cut their hair short and stop styling it OR they wear no make up OR their clothes are tattered and exhausted … they do not want it anymore. Maybe the tie to sexuality is wrong? How does one feel feminine at all if they look worn down? (side note: some short hair styles are smokin’, little to no make-up is totally cool, it is the ultimate give up not the actually look. I am not trying to pass judgment.)
When does that come?
I would like to duck and hide.
I want to want it…Forever.
My Grandmother takes good care of herself. She is still concerned with her appearance and presents herself to the world with grace. She is not vain or particularly fancy. She takes good care of herself.
That is what I want.
The desire to take good care of myself. No matter what the demands are on me, how old I am, my children, my husband … all important, but so am I. This is part of my desire to run and swim. We are saving all our spare change so we can work on the house. SO that eliminates fancy haircuts, days at a spa, cute clothes, adorable shoes, etc. Really me staying at home and choosing to live with one income forgoes the expensive, high maintenance look (although really even when I worked it wasn’t my thing). That leaves a few close to free options. I can run for free (minus the shoes and clothes but I try to make them last), swim for cheap (YAY Canada) and take good care of myself through natural treatment (have you ever tried avocado & mayo hair mask? it rocks!)
Have you all but given up? Am I just a vain witch? What do you do to keep yourself feeling beautiful, fresh, alive?
A Canadian mom with three cute kids. This blog chronicles our lives my creative pursuits. 
Great post! No you’re definitely not alone. I’ve been thinking a lot about it too – and want to try hard to not go there – I often see the older ladies who seem to have thrown it all out the window and wonder when that whole thing starts. But I don’t think it has to. It’s a choice. I have seen my own grandmother “give it up”. It’s sad…I’d like to think that I’ll be smokin’ hot in my 90’s.
Gail´s last blog ..Day 89….. Girlfriends….
I don’t think I’ll ever give it up. I love good jeans, cute shoes and putting on makeup in the morning. I feel better about me when I make myself a priority for 20-25 minutes each day. The rest of the day is handed over to 3 boys and my sweet husband, so I don’t think taking a little bit is vain or selfish at all.
I’m breaking my usual lurking habit here…
I’ve never been fancy. My hair is wash and go. I don’t wear makeup and have no desire to start. I wear a lot of sweats around the house and my real clothes aren’t anything to emulate. And yet I feel realy great about that. I think having the confidence to step out as who I really am IS sexy. I’ve always seen makeup as a mask and felt a bit sad for people who don’t feel good in their own skin.
So my point is, it’s all perspective. To some I am likely down right sloppy looking. To me, I’m doing fine.
Also, you always look lovely to me. xo
I can relate. When I feel like dressing up I will and if I don’t then I won’t. I do go to get facials once every two months and have regular spa appointments. I need that “me” time. Running also helps me remember that I need to stay in shape and it gives me that extra motivation to put more effort into “me” and how I look. When you feel good it radiates outward weather you dress up or down.
R and I have our moments where we both just don’t give a damn, he’s always in a uniform and I’m always in business casual. We can’t wait to get home and get comfy. I think it just comes in waves you’re not vain at all.
I’m probably one of those who have nearly given up. I know I’m terrible. crap.
Heather´s last blog ..Distorted
Very good post-you are not alone in this…several years ago my grown-up daughters too me aside and gently told me that I was beginning to look “frumpy”. I’m 48 now…they shared this with me about 4-5 years ago…I had not even realized that I was frumpy…I just felt overwhelmed, tired, out of sorts (beginning menopause) and I guess to tell you the truth too darn tired most of the time to really put effort into myself. My girls told me to stop cutting my hair in “that old lady style” and stop wearing the same old ankle length skirts and dark colored blouses. Yeah..I know..but the haircut was “easy” and the clothes were…comfortable. So I grew my hair a bit, let my nails grow and painted them, go to the spa at least every other week. I also get a massage and bought some new clothes…now I’m starting to get serious about exercising. I guess I’ve been so busy all my life that after the kids left…I just deflated. Post stress syndrome or something-after the kids left that’s when I felt the fatigue set in and I just let everything else go. I’m catching up now…enjoying looking nice again..little by little I’m finding out who I am after ‘kids”.
connie´s last blog ..Ok..let’s move on…more from our recent trip to Japan
Having a husband who tells you you’re beautiful really helps someone want to continue to be beautiful, I think.
nicole @ much more than a mom´s last blog ..One may be the loneliest number, but eight is the easiest.
@Chelle – Oh my, I am so honored by your link. I have continued to scan crowds and these things seem to come and go in waves. I agree that energy levels can contribute. Connie’s comments about the fatigue after her kids left home brought up a thought I did not address at the time but is a possible underlying issue which is mood swings and possible depression or at least feeling depressed in the moment.
One thing I became very aware of myself at that stage was the there were fewer and fewer *firsts* to anticipate in my own life and most of the future *firsts* would be from the second row as my children moved through their *firsts* like: first year of college, first real job, first apartment, marriage, first child, etc. I think it is the slowing of these *firsts* that signify the renewing of our lives and identities that is the hardest thing for modern women to overcome and perhaps this reinvention of their physical identity is one way they try to compensate. Let’s face it; it is far less complex, costly and more easily undoable that a career change or moving.
It has been interesting to what the traffic on that most which still draws the bulk of my daily search engine traffic (who could have guessed that) and the comments and emails add to my analysis of what are the issues that seem to support it. Okay, I am paragraph three so I should shut up now. Thanks for continuing the discussion.
Deb´s last blog ..Thanksgiving 2009
I think some gals just get tired and overwhelmed. But, I’ve found that keeping myself in good health and looking nice help me feel better about myself which tends to help me through rough or tiring times.
Also, I think some women become discouraged by aging, and they give up because they don’t look like they used to. Some of my mother’s best advice to me was, “The point isn’t not to age but to age gracefully.” I think aging gracefully means not giving up your femininity.
We’re both lucky to have good role models who didn’t give up. And, if I ever have a little girl or even, eventually, a granddaughter I hope to be a good role model.
Madeline´s last blog ..Let The Countdown Begin