Throwing in the Towel
Just when I am ready to throw in the towel, send my preschooler off to Pleasure Island or worse preschool, we turn that ever sought after corner and life settles down. The last few weeks with Becca has been horrific. We have fought like mad, each struggling for the upper hand. I am shamefully admitting defeat on more than one occasion. I cried, I have lost my temper and I have said things I wish I had not.
This past week has showed such vast improvement it is shocking. I have the sweet, cute, caring, passionate little girl I once thought was gone forever, back. It was an odd time. She did not play with toys, she fought participation with groups (especially soccer, but even familiar places like the library), opting to stay home and mope. She demanded every ounce of me, not allowing me to breath without it being part of her world somehow. EVERYTHING was a fight, eating, routines, even fun stuff. If she received ANY “extras” she DEMANDED more, it was safer to give nothing fun, extra or pleasurable whatsoever.
On Saturday she joined in on the soccer fun, then proceeded to play ALL day. It is like she is back to her old self but new and improved. From what I have read, all of this is typical three and half year old behaviour. It was totally a rough patch. These past weeks she did not play like she did on Saturday at all. It was frightful.
Ethan, meanwhile has discovered the art of DESTROYING everything in his path. Books off the shelves, cupboards emptied, toys EVERYWHERE. If it is there he will move it. If it won’t move he will climb it. GASP the kid is in EVERYTHING. He is like a tornado in a trailer park!
So between Becca the horrible and Ethan the destroyer, I have had my hands totally full. I finally CRACKED, lost my mind completely, blew off a ton of steam at J (of course poor guy) then DEMANDED (wonder where these children get their personalities from?) one morning off a week (if possible) to MYSELF. J the ever sweet (and a little afraid) husband graciously accepted the terms of my sanity and will take the children to work every Friday morning (as long as he does not have meetings).
This has lifted a huge weight off me. I have had one morning to myself so far and I feel like a new woman. It has been since my knitting Sundays in California that I have had anytime to myself. It is true that every evening I go for my walk/run, but that is self-maintenance for one hour that hardly can be counted as “me” time. I need this.
I have had a few moms talk to me about staying at home like I have the plague. “Oh I could never stay home it is TOO HARD” “How do you have time FOR ANYTHING?” “WOW you stay at home with THEM?” It an odd way it is validating, like knowing these apparently well adjusted “normal” mothers are in awe at what I do. Yup I rock. Sanity is overrated anyway.
I actually feel a little bad blogging now about Becca’s phase, since it appears to be behind us. I better not be jinxing myself! She is such a wonderful, sweet, enduing, loving, curious little girl. Those times that are dark and frustrating, fill me with such sorrow and pent up emotion. I want to be her everything, but enjoy it. Unfortunately, parenting isn’t always running through a field of flowers … sometimes it is hard and ugly. Then we realize that the ugliness is gone and we can sit back and enjoy the life we have, the people in it and the children that drive us to love so deeply, curse so softly, cuddle so tenderly.
May 26th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Preschool is not throwing in the towel! If you need the break, then take it! You’ll be a better mother for it!
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May 26th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Good for you taking time for yourself. Everyone needs that time, but especially stay-home moms.
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May 26th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I’m sorry you were going through such a rough patch with Becca. Those rough patches are hard; we’re going through a “not listening phase” with Kayla…ugh! It’s frustrating! We have to tell her multiple times to do something, or not to do something, she just ignores us! Parenthood isn’t easy! How awsome that J is able to take the kids into work with him though! I wish I could make that arrangement with Joe
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May 26th, 2008 at 11:36 am
People are constantly asking me “how can you stand being in the daycare all day and then bring them home with you?” and I’m forever telling them that it is because I am the most wonderful husband in the world when it comes to helping with our kiddos. He does a lot, or honestly, I don’t know if I could do it. Some days are worse than others, some days are honestly not bad at all, and others….whew…some days I want to pull my hair out.
Kids and their phases that supposedly come with changes in age and changes in surroundings….whew, I’m telling you it is definitely not a pretty sight.
Good luck. If the experts have any clue as to what they are talking about, you should be finished with the stage that Becca was in and moving forward until….yet another stage or phase comes along.
May 26th, 2008 at 11:38 am
lol, typos, not I am the most wonderful husband but I have the most wonderful husband
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May 26th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I know how you feel. I bought a shirt for Evan that says “my mommy loves me”. It was a reminder to me that yes I did love him even though he was driving me up the wall.
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May 26th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Even now, I need a break from time to time. Especially, since I am a single mom now.
I would not trade being a mom to Brendan for the world, but there are days when you just need time to yourself, even if it is for a few hours.
Thankfully, I have a wonderful neighbor who takes him every Wednesday night so I can go do something that I like.
You’re a great mom. And…you have adorable kids!
May 26th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I agree with what everyone said. It is always something of a relief to me when other mothers (SAH or those working outside the home) admit to struggles and finding it hard as it makes me realise that I am not the only one who has the feelings of utmost frustration that I feel at times. Joey isn`t 3 and a half yet but we seem to butt heads almost constantly and the child just won`t LISTEN to me at times. Some days I feel like I am sinking underneath it all and I am away from him for most of the day so you are right, I am in total awe of how you deal with staying at home and always seem so on top of everything. Time to yourself is precious and essential and I am so glad that J is making an effort to make sure you get what you need. You definitely have a diamond of a hubby there!
So glad that Becca`s phase seems to have passed. Do you think she could have a word with Joey and coach him through his!?!
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May 26th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I am so with you there. Went throught that exact phase with Olivia at that age, and still going through the tornado phase with Theo.
Yay for J! That is an awesome thing to do - I’d love a morning off. At the moment I have 3 mornings a week where I am with only Theo, but have not yet had a morning with none. One a fortnight would prob. be enough for me to get out and do something completely for me.
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May 26th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
James has been very difficult as of late recently too -so much anger. It’s been hard but I’ve been encouraging Darren that we need to give him more positive attention (yeah, just what we want not do NOT) until he gets through this. Well, not when he’s actually being angry, but YKWIM.
Glad to hear she’s getting back to herself. They should have resptie care, no?
May 26th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Oh Chelle! I’m so glad that Becca is settling back into her sweet little self, especially with J away. Ethan sounds so much like Sam! I’ve had many moms comment, as they survey the damage after a playdate at my apartment, how amazing it is that I can let the kids have so much ‘fun’…fun meaning that every toy is out, everything is out of the cupboards, all the pots are out…etc. I figure that its easier to allow they to entertain themselves and develope some serious self-entertainment skills
Good times…only 3 more sleeps
May 26th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
How awesome that he can do that! Good for you!
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May 26th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Well I only have one but that sounds like a typical day in the mommy land. I do not think you are throwing in the towel art all. You need some help and maybe she needs some other kids. Nice that you had some time to yourself.
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May 26th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Ah, I remember those days all too well! We sometimes still have them. I am glad you are getting some time to yourself again!
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May 26th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Glad the phase is past. We deal with those here off & on too. Umm… Ethan sounds just like Emma. Is it the 2nd child syndrome? Apparently so, so I’m being told by my sis in law who has 3 kids. Do I believe her? not 1 bit, lol. Different children are just different. Don’t give me the 2nd child syndrome crap.
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May 27th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Seems we all go through these phases…Us, the kids, the husbands…But we tend to get through it a little stronger and wiser…and you are such a patient mamma to let Becs and Ethan discover all these new and crazy things…
I friggin love his harido! How cute. I think you need to fashion a mohawk outta that tuft!
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May 27th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
On the preschool side of things…
At the age of 2.5 I put my son in a preschool program, 8:30-11:30 M-F! I cried the first day (He DID NOT shed a tear!!) but I knew it had to be done. He is one of the most social creatures…EVER! and at that time there was no other way to get him involved with other children.
After a bit I enjoyed my time to myself, especially as I started to see it as a way to miss him. I never got a chance to miss him before. We were always together. Once he started school I was able to give him a big kiss and hug goodbye and then get a big hug and kiss hello. It was a great feeling!
Half way through the year he even wanted to stay for the lunch program, so a couple days a week I would pack his lunch and he would stay until 2:30. If I showed up a minute before that time he would not be pleased!
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May 27th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Wait, are you trying to say that sweet little munchkin in the dandelions is a destroyer? I’m not sure if I believe it.
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