My Attempt at Clarifying
I am so loving the feedback from you all this week. I wanted to touch on a couple points.
Preschool. We are not anti-preschool. Far from it. In the Fall, Becca will be signed up for a couple city run preschool programs that focus on fun interaction with a side of French and ABC’s.
I just do not want to feel so exasperated I have no choice but to send her to preschool full time. I want to be able to work through these stages with her, grow with her and learn with her. Plus, in a year she will be preparing for school. This is our chance to really bond together. Ethan, Becca and myself (with a side of Daddy of course) have a year to explore this city and enjoy our three-ness. Once Becca starts Primary, it is full time, five days a week. Plus, even the city programs cost money. Does my family benefit more from a museum pass for the year or a month in preschool? Choices.
SAHM vs the World. By no means was my implication that what I do is better or worse than any other choice. I excel in our choice. I may not always be good at parenting, cleaning, organizing, etc but I am a better person staying at home at this point. I have grown as a woman, as a wife and as a mother in the four years that I have been blessed to stay at home with my child(ren).
Staying at home is a rough gig. It is not a choice everyone should make, however it is a CHOICE. I stay at home, not because I am lazy (working would be much easier than this), but because as a family we CHOSE to life this lifestyle. It ain’t easy not having two incomes to make our dreams of owning a home, and other material goodies a reality faster.
I cringe when people say they have no choice, they have to work. Poor people. I know that we are fortunate to have nothing, so we do not miss the second income as much as families that are more established. There are moms that would rock the stay at home gig, and you see the sadness in their eyes, yet still return to work. They truly believe they have no choice.
We all have choices. In Canada, especially, a family can live within their means and raise their family, in my humble opinion. There are families that the Moms are AMAZING at their careers and truly are benefiting by returning to work. That rocks. I never scoff, grunt, snicker or roll my eyes at the working mom. The balance they must maintain leaves me in awe.
Choice. Don’t knock mine.
I do use a Mac … I (heart) my Apple computers. They are amazing tools I use to express my inner creativity in ways I have desired for, like forever. Lately, the Wordless Wednesdays have been fun. I have been working through some designing tutorials and learning a lot.
I have also been working on a new design for this blog. I wanted to give you guys a heads up that the format will change, as well as the colours and overall feel. My blog is forever evolving with my life and it is time for a change. When I started blogging four years ago, my designs changed monthly, as I tried on new looks and challenged myself to code and design beyond my skills. Presently, I do not have the time or energy to change that often.
So watch for a change. Honour your choices. Oh and most importantly, keep coming back and sharing your thoughts!
May 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I feel lucky to have a supportive husband who really considered what would be best for our family when we made the choice that I would stay home with our kids.
I agree that more women and men could probably stay home with their kids than they realize. For us, the cost of missing that time with my kids wasn’t worth any money that I might have earned.
Heather’s last blog post..Time in a Bottle
May 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Very well said! And I’m gonn have to read your comments now. I didn’t have time yesterday. It’s sad that people can judge others, and that they think they have the RIGHT to judge others for the choices they make. As I said, I admire women who can stay at home with their kids. I wish I were that type. But as I said, I almost had a nervous breakdown and HAD TO GET BACK TO work! I think it benefited all envolved. {{{LOL}}}
Robina’s last blog post..Cell Phone companies suck the big one!
May 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Sorry to hear that others put down your decision to be a stay at home mom. These choices are never easy; I have tremendous guilt/sadness about returning to work and know that I am missing out on something very valuable. I also really enjoy my work and am happy to be able to do it. There are things that everyone in my family gains by the choices we have made (not just monetary, but that is nice too). I think its wonderful that families have many more options than those who came before us. You are clearly taking the responsibility/gift of choice making seriously. And it seems to work well for you and your family, so more power to you.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I am so glad that I have a choice to stay at home too. I also think that more people could stay at home with the kids than do. Some people are just not willing to give up some of the toys that they can afford when both parents work. One of my friends was a nanny and she quite her job because the mom was like that. The kids hardly knew the parents yet they owned several expensive homes ect. It made my friend too sad to see it.
I can’t wait to see the new design.
Awesome Mom’s last blog post..Fun times!
May 29th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Definately well said!
We are in the same position. We make it but there’s not much left over, we sacrifice this right now for the girls. It works for us and it’s our CHOICE!
The school years creep up so fast. Enjoy your three-nees with a side of Daddy
(I love that btw)
I know I’m expediting Jillian some by pre-school this fall but 2 days a week for 2 hours is something she needs.
Jacquie’s last blog post..And then she was 7!!
May 29th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Good post! Funny thing, right away I went and re-read my comments…just in case
There are so many choices and it’s horrible for others to put their choices on each other as well as thinking that they do not have a choice. Example, I know now that for my family a month in pre-school is better than a pass for the museum. Does that make me a better/worse parent?!?! NO!!! For us…it works!!
I love your posts…it’s so nice to see thoughts that I have written out so that others can understand them!!!
Helen Wright’s last blog post..School’s out for Summer!!!
May 29th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
It’s so damaging when women pit themselves against one another in the war of working moms vs SAHMs. We all just need to be respectful of the CHOICES we make and support one another.
I now have a MacBook and I’m having fun learning how to use it, as well as Photoshop CS3. Would you be so kind as to share some of those online tutorial links that you mentioned? I’d love to learn more without having to pay hefty class prices to do so.
Overwhelmed With Joy!’s last blog post..Let me see a show of hands, who’s going to see this movie?
May 29th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
It’s a sensitive topic. People tend to see a joy in your own life as an indictment of theirs. I thought the post was lovely.
May 29th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Well, I’m off to read the comments from yesterday! I love me a good controversy…
Much More Than A Mom’s last blog post..Memories to Cherish, edition one
May 29th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Hey, you, decoratour’ (that was my way of trying to be fancy with my spelling). You do great work with designing…too cool!
But, I was commenting to tell you that I have the greatest husband in the world. I have fibromyalgia (I can’t spell it, but I have it) and when I met Wayne, I was in bad shape. Anyway, we met in August, moved in together the day after our first date, no kidding, and in October, I was having really serious issues with the fibr. He let me quit work.
People thought we were both crazy. But, we sold my truck, that meant no truck payment, no truck insurance. I quit my job so I didn’t need a truck, nor did I need gas to go to work, lunches out, attire for work, etc. When it was all said and done, we netted $50 by having me at home.
This I should save for a long email or let you read on my blog but the short story of it is that Wayne was raised by his grandparents. No one had ever doted on him. So, the deal we made was I handled the house, the laundry, all things that the woman did 50 years ago (when she had to do that and the kids). When he would come home, I would have dinner cooked, his clothes were clean and hung up neatly and organized, he didn’t have to lift a finger. I loved it. I had been married 3 times before him and I had never been the “old fashioned wife” that I mentioned above. I could do that, even with the fibro. acting crazy because I could do it on my terms. Now, the hard part was, we lived in a camper in a camp ground and went from one job to another. He was a electrical engineer, we were at that job for a year. The next job, another year. You see, it wasn’t like there was no way I could work because we were definitely in one place long enough. But, that man, he loved (loves) me and like I said, we took a leap and netted $50 a week.
Now, with that, you are so right about choices. We only had one auto. He drove that auto to work or I had to get up at 5 to take him to work so I could use the car. We did what we had to do so that I didn’t have an official “outside” the home job.
Fast forward 3 years and we had 2 kids. He was making way more money and we had grown our budget with his income, we had 2 cars, etc. Then, the opportunity came for us to buy the daycare/preschool. That was the opportunity of a lifetime.
It might not sound like it when you hear that I work nearly 90 hours a week. But, I don’t do any housework anymore. Rarely do I do laundry. And, those hours that I am working while my children are awake….they are with me. They do have the best of both worlds in my opinion. They can go to preschool, play with friends, and, if I decide I want to, I grab one and take them with me to run errands, or to the park or home for the afternoon.
Today, Walker is sick, my mom kept them both this morning so I could go to the daycare and meet with a new employee who starts on Monday, and I’ve been home since noon with my kids. My daycare is in good hands. I have no doubt about it. My kids are in my hands……and that my friend is as good as it gets.
With that, as a daycare owner and a potential owner of a state funded PR-K 4 program, I know all the pros and cons. Heck, I wrote an entire grant based on the pros and I know what happens. One of the cons is that kids get sick so much. My kids have been sick a total of (counting this little runny nose spell they have right now) 4 times each - in their life. Not this winter, no way. Four times in their life have they been sick. And, once was when the croup went through my center last summer, once is now and the other 2 was prior to ever entering daycare. So, hey, I say that’s not a valid argument for people to use IF and I say IF IF IF they find a good clean center. The person who opens my daycare and then the person who closes my daycare (which honestly, is me sometimes but my kids are with me, playing, etc) use almost an entire can of lysol and spray toys, chairs, tables, high chairs, bouncy seats, and clean the bathrooms in the mornings.
I’ve heard many compliments and complaints regarding my center. The 2 compliments that I take the greatest pride in are 1. my kid was sick when he/she went to the other daycare and we’ve been here a year and haven’t been sick one time and 2. those kids eat WELL
Those are big compliments. My daycare is part of a state funded USDA program so they do eat really well. And, all that lysol pays off.
The common complaint is that I have a big turn-over. My explanation for that is 2 sided as well. 1. I hire people who are really energetic about being with kids. They put their whole heart into it and no matter how hard I try to get them to moderate, they burn out quickly. I hire a lot of people who are in school to be teachers and they work part-time. It makes for new faces quite often. I see it as getting the people who have the kids best interest as heart and if new is bad, then so be it, I guess I’m bad, what I see is, new is energy, good new energy. The other complaint I get is that I’m only open 12 hours a day…lol. No really, I can’t believe people would expect more than 12 hours a day but that’s all I can take right now. Lastly, I’ve heard this complaint more times than I can count. Iam totally honest when I say that more than 10 or 15 people have said to me, “you guys are too nice (good) to my kids, they come home and all they talk about is their teacher” If that’s a complaint, I’m all over that one.
I tell my prospective employees that the number one thing I expect from them is for them to spoil the kids. Not one mother has ever issued a “true” complaint in that department. All my parents love my low ratio’s (which keep me from making much money) and they love that their children don’t cry at drop-off because they are excited to see me (or their teacher) and they know from their child’s actions and words that they are being held, pampered and played with ALL day.
It is not acceptable in my mind for an adult to be sitting in a chair (we have rockers and gliders) in their room unless they are rocking a child. Simply not acceptable. Nap time is different but 9 times out of 10, my teachers are holding that one kid that either won’t sleep on a cot or simply needs some extra attention that day. I tell them up front, that chair is in the room for you to rock babies, not to sit in. They are expected to play.
Sounds like I have pretty high expectations and that my also explain the high turn-over, I expect a lot from my teachers. I don’t expect them to clean toilets or floors except like at meals when big chunks fall on the floor. I don’t expect them to do any cleaning type activity except take their trash to the big can outdoors on their way out the door in the afternoons. I expect them to be with the kids. I handle the rest. That’s why I work 90 hours a week, I do the grocery shopping, the cleaning and most of the classroom planning. My teachers are only expected to take care of children.
Now, I started 6 years ago and I’ve worked myself all the way up til now and I should really shut up. But, I challenge everyone who thinks they don’t have a choice, to find the ways to cut back (even if it is on paper) and see just how it could be IF they wanted to take the plunge. Secondly, I challenge everyone to find a daycare like the one I just described to you. I live in podunk no where and I can run an excellent facility….those folks who live where the resources are unlimited (I have to drive 30 miles one way to a grocery store), those folks should have university level pre-schools.
So, it has it’s place. SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, daycare, preschool, it all has its place…….opinions opinions opinions, everyone has one….right?
Shutting up before you kick me off of here forever!
Jerri Ann’s last blog post..The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth…
May 29th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
One more thing, I did not proof read that, so if the sentence seems to be missing a word…you guys understand, just read between the lines. Thanks!
Jerri Ann’s last blog post..The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth…
May 30th, 2008 at 3:38 am
BRAVO!!!!!
I loved this part and will remember it forever:
Honour your choices.
Thank you for writing this
tanyetta’s last blog post..Sibling Rivalry
May 30th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Wow is this post timely or what? I’m going back to work, part-time, I’m trying to figure this all out. I think I’ll be a better mom when I’m a working mom but I won’t know unless I try. Sigh, this is a tough subject.
Cori’s last blog post..And the saga continues …
May 30th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I love the forum that you’ve set up here! For the record, I didn’t think you were knocking preschool or working moms…just voicing your challenges in the life you’ve chosen.
Do you mind if I give your link to a friend (ironically, she lives in your old apartment complex)…
May 30th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
PS-How do companies get your name to send you new items to review?
May 30th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
PSS-Are you knitting much these days?
May 30th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Some weeks are tough and some phases are tough. I LOVE my Girl, but right now, she’s going through a pip of an age. You’ll figure out what your girl needs.
xo
Beck
Rebecca’s last blog post..Thump
May 30th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
You should never feel the need to explain the chioces you make for your family. Your children are living proof that you’ve made the right choices for you guy!
Cara’s last blog post..Top Ten
May 31st, 2008 at 11:11 am
You rock sister. Always.
~JJ!’s last blog post..Day 18 and we have a winner.
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:33 am
I hope my comment to the SAHM mom post didn’t come across as offensive! It probably did, and if it did, I am truly sorry. But I certainly wasn’t knocking your choice. You rule your roost, and rock at it! Me? Not so much.
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..Oh, really?