I have a Confession
I like to iron clothes.
The smell of the steam, the warmth of the clothes, the flattening out of the wrinkles, leaves me feeling peaceful yet energized. The time it takes to iron each piece to perfection, as my mind wanders from topic to topic.
My husband NEVER lets me iron his clothes. He was all about his grubby chic as a student then researcher. However, now that he is a professor he needs his shirts pressed! Yipee! Before he left I ironed each of his shirts, watching as they magically turned from shabby to pressed. I felt like I was on his side, supporting him, propelling him forward to be the best that he can be.
In all my computer geekiness, photography, gaming, artistic cravings, I really love this domestic gig. Never did I think that I would have this life, this peaceful existence. Wife, Mother, homemaker. Baking, cooking, even *gasp* cleaning give me this odd sense of joy and fulfillment. I am an educated, smart, capable woman …
I like to iron. I like staying home with my kids. Raising them myself. I like to cook and clean. Organizing the house is something I take great pride in.
Why do I feel like making that statement should be made small? Why is it a confession at all? Am I really not contributing to society by raising beautifully smart and wholesome children? By supporting my husband, who educates future great minds in society, am I not therefore a part of this big picture? By what definitions do working women contribute more to society than a mother that supports her family from the inside?
I am a Stay at Home MOM. I am society.
Thoughts?
May 27th, 2008 at 8:48 am
My only thought is that the whole point of women’s lib is that women get the choice. We get to stay at home with our kids if we want to but if that isn’t what we want to do, we can go out to work as well. In Japan SAHMs are the norm. A woman’s role in the home is revelled in and respected and no-one looks down on women who stay at home because it is considered to be for the greater good. Women who work once they have kids are in the minority and in reverse THEY get criticised for depriving their kids. As time goes on, i become increasingly frustrated with the fact that no matter what we choose, mothers always feel like they have to justify their choices and why they do what they do. You would never get a dad debating for hours whether working out of the home was better or worse for his kids than staying at home with them and yet I have personally debated that subject at great length with my friends/ family.
The whole point of women’s lib is that people get to choose to do what they love. I love going out to work and get my kicks out of deadlines, pressure etc. You love staying at home and feel fulfilled with all of the cool stuff you do. We are both contributing the same amount to society because we are bringing up kids who are loved and looked after. Neither of us is a better or worse mother for choosing to do what we love, it is great that we get to do so but so many people criticise me for my choice and I am sure that in reverse, you get people telling you that your choice is less worthy than theirs. Women really can be their own worst enemy at times and THAT upsets me and makes me wonder what all the women who strove for equality would think about that.
I don’t think declaring what you love to the world is a confession as that implies that what you love doing is in some way not good and that is SO far from the truth. I have a confession to make.. I hate all the things you love, (cooking, cleaning, IRONING!!) but I don’t think that necessarily makes me a bad person or less of a woman. Would you like to come and live in London and look after me please!? I have always said that what I need in life is a wife to look after me and I think that becomes more and more true as time goes on!!
I think this is the longest comment in the world.. sorry!
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May 27th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I think that all women, absolutely, contribute to society whether they work outside the home or not. Although I wonder about Paris Hilton’s contribution sometimes…there must be something she’s contributing.
It’s easy to feel that our work in the home is less important, but I know that it IS just as important (not necessarily more OR less important) than any paid work.
And wha? What’s this ironing you speak of?
Heather’s last blog post..Home
May 27th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
It’s a lovely post that celebrates your life while in no way belittles others.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
A lot of feminist’s have written that woman should not have the option to stay at home. I do feel that feminisim is profoundly against the idea of homemaking and being home with one’s children, and I am extremely alienated from it. There’s something strange in the idea that I am more valuable selling insurance than I am nuturing my family and raising my own children.
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May 27th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
OK. I hate to keep house. I don’t cook. I hardly clean unless I need to.
But I love being with my kid. That’s for sure.
This is a great post. And so freeing too!
~JJ!’s last blog post..Ten
May 27th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I am glad that you get to be a stay at home mom, because you are obviously great at it. . Not everyone is, though, and some who would be simply do not have that choice. Being a SAHM does not automatically make one a better parent, though. When my kids were younger, I worked outside the home. I had to, but I know that I could not have done a better job had I been a SAHM. I think it’s total bs that
SAH mothering is better than having a working mother. And I also think it’s bs that people will say being a SAHM is an ‘easy’ job. it’s not; anyone who has tried it knows better.
I currently feel like I have the best and worst of both worlds! The important thing is that if you are happy at and good at what you’re doing, whether that’s being a WOHM or a SAHM, you will be a better parent.
Having gotten that off my chest, I will say that I detest ironing! But only because I wish I was better at it! I do love doing every other laundry chore except putting the clothes away, though. And I love doing dishes!
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..Recovering from the weekend - and it’s long.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I believe that there are two different kinds of mothers out there; those who can stay at home and those who cannot. I have a friend who has every half hour of every day of every week planned out with her children. I, on the other hand, well, we ‘might’ go to the zoo sometime this week.
My personality suits that of a working outside the home mother but I am not in an environment where I feel comfortable having someone else look after my child.
I am horrible at cleaning and keeping my house in order. I do enjoy cooking, but I hate cleaning up afterwards. How did I fix that one…instead of eating out once a week like we used to I take that money and have a cleaning lady once every two weeks. I prefer cleaning a frying pan over the toilets! …and of course, I love spending time with my child!!
To end this, I must quote a friend, “…for those of you who think this isn’t work, just ask my life insurance provider how much it will cost to replace me.”
Helen Wright’s last blog post..Back to the grind…
May 27th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
You LIKE to iron? How could you possibly be my friend, then?
I hear ya with the rest of your post though.
“I am society.” LOVE it.
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May 27th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I love that you are home with your kids because it’s obviously what you were meant to do. You rule at it. I know several (lots, actually) stay at home moms who need to get a damn job. I also know lots of working moms who would love to and would be good at staying home if they didn’t have mortgages, bills, lived in cheaper cities or could just do without any frills in life (that’s me, too. ;-))
I say, whatever! People choose what they choose and I think that’s awesome!
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May 27th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I think you do an awesome job of being a stay at home mom. Not everyone can do that job…and you do an amazing job!
I can appreciate the odd sense of joy and fulfillment you get from cleaning….I too get those feelings.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I think this is a harder job than working and it takes a lot of energy. I know when I say I am a SAHM, I feel like I need to explain but I also realize that there is some judgement in my own mind for some reason. I have come to learn that it is the toughest and most rewarding job and the most important in life. You are a great mom. Thanks so much.
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May 27th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Are you appalled that I’ve NEVER ironed a single thing in my life?
I’m a SAHM, too, and I’ve never felt more productive — on various levels — than I am now in my entire life. In my 9-5 job, I sat in a cubicle and stared at my computer, or, more specifically, the CLOCK on my computer! How is THAT productive? Now, I go out and DO. The kids force me to get out there. And, I get involved — I blog, I sell art for kids, I teach yoga. I’ve NEVER felt more productive and alive….
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May 27th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
You want to come over and iron my shirts?! LOL Ironing is one chore I dread, and I don’t know why - it’s not hard or anything, I just hate to iron! Downy Wrinkle Releaser is my best friend
The SAHM vs Working Mom debate is one that will never end, nor will anyone “win” - we all have to do what is best for our own families and own situations. Of course you are contributing to society by raising 2 wonderful kids and taking care of your household!
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May 28th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I think there’s lots of excellent moms in the world. Some stay home. Some go to work. Don’t get me wrong…I’m an absolute truth kind of girl, but when it comes to what makes an excellent mom, I think its how you spend your time with your kids. I know of some crappy SAHM’s who don’t engage their children. I know of some crappy working moms who don’t engage their children.
I do strongly beleive that to be a good mom you’ve got to be committed to the circumstances you’ve chosen/been forced into (
). If you’re not happy/satisfied, you’re kids will pick up on and think it’s their fault.
That being said, I’m a proud SAHM too. For me and my husband, we keep our house functional and safe, but cleaning is still a chore that’s left til Sam doesn’t need/want attention.
I admire your declaration. Keep the positive thoughts coming…their contagious (I feel better having read ‘your thoughts’)
PS-2 more sleeps!
May 28th, 2008 at 2:00 am
You like to iron? Ya lost me there, I’m not a big fan of that chore
fortunately my dryer has a setting that works for me in case of ironing being needed.
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May 28th, 2008 at 6:50 am
I have a confession to make, too. I don’t iron my clothes. I’m lazy.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
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May 28th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I tried to answer this yesterday but kept getting interupted!
I admire stay at home moms. I tried it before, for two years, and got in to such a deep depression I had to start taking medicine and then started working. I HAVE to work to make me feel like I’m doing something. I would have my house clean and the laundry done by noon and would sit (my kids were in kindergarten and 1st grade) and feel like my life was wasting away. I just can’t handle it. I WISH I could.
But I know me. I can’t be a stay at home mom. It’s better for all those who know me if I stay busy, but my mom always told me I could do more in a day than she can think to do in a week. I’m just hyper and don’t know how to relax.
You are doing a wonderful job raising your kids and yes, you are working hard to make productive adults!
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May 29th, 2008 at 12:04 am
ummm… You’re crazy??
J/k!
I don’t care for ironing myself. i just had to iron my pants for work this morning, not my fave thing to do, lol. I try to buy clothes that go from wash to dry to wear back to wash again.
But… good for you. Remember, my door is always open if you want to come & visit & say…. clean some… lol!
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May 29th, 2008 at 3:17 am
I am the total opposite, I hate ironing but that does not make me a lesser mom….err…I hope not!
I have a confession too. I doubt I could cope being a SAHM. It’s such a challenging job and requires 24/7 of dedication (and slavery? kidding!!!). I will probably suck at it and I know I’m a better mom because I am a FTWM.
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May 29th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I don’t see anyone questioning you here…am I missing something?
Probably. No sleep will do that to a girl!
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