Will You Remember Me

Written by Chelle on Sunday, April 13th, 2008

I am really starting to wonder if after 4 years of blogging, I am not just done. Maybe I am blogged out. Maybe there is nothing left to say. This week has been oddly emotional and not really all that great for me. I am not sure what has taken me to such negative energy, but it has been very difficult to shake.

Le Cake

Ethan’s birthday was lovely. I did indeed bake him a car cake, although Becca described it as a “funny looking ‘Mator tow truck” (it was suppose to be a race car). Sunday we cruised to the ever famous Peggy’s Cove to hike a little. The wind was bitter and Ethan was not really all that impressed. It was beautiful and I would love to experience it again. We then cruised home, had lunch and cake then headed to the playground to play. Perfect day to turn one.

My birthday was, well let’s just say I got a “do-over” the next day. The do-over was spent with my family, enjoying the day, shopping and pigging out on Chinese food. I am thankful for the do-over, but a little sad that it was necessary. This is life though. Sometimes. It Sucks.

On Thursday, just to make that negative energy breed like bunnies, I went for my annual physical and Ethan went in for his one year appointment. Both of us left not feeling very well. Ethan was always referred to as a “WHAT A BIG BOOOYYYEEEE” has now dropped below the 50th percentile for weight and at the 50th percentile for height. This bothers me. A lot. We are going back in a month to see if he is growing at a good rate, just slowed down, or if he is losing weight. He is a very busy baby and I am hoping that with a little extra effort on our part he will gain weight and give me one less thing to worry about. The doctor also commented that Ethan looked pale, but when comparing my very white skin to his, it appears that is our colour.

My blood pressure was crazy high. Well the bottom number was … the top number is great. This is a health issue that is new to me. I have always had normal blood pressure (expect when pregnant). We did have Chinese the night before (something we rarely eat) and some chips as we watched a movie (I never have chips anymore). See me rationalizing?!?! The doctor told me to cut out the salties and check at the drugstore blood pressure thing (he did state they were not all that reliable but if they can show a decrease/increase). I need to lose some more weight. ugh. This move has really stalled the effort, so I need to get back at it. I am determined to get into better shape.

That leads me to the scatter I feel my being is at. I want to accomplish so much that I am being torn into bits. Add the two kids, a husband and zero support and I am tapped out. I feel not whole. I trying to find ways to ground myself. I miss my friends that are scattered throughout North America. It takes time to forge relationships in a new place and I am finding with all my other”issues” I am not open and grounded to forge ahead. I am trying to focus on what matters and tune out the noise. Sometimes I can … sometimes not so much.

Filed under Becca, Ethan, Living on the Hill

32 Responses to “Will You Remember Me”

Much More Than A Mom, on April 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am Said:

Aw, sorry to hear you had such a bad week. I have a package here for you, not quite complete enough to send yet - and now I wish I would have been more on the ball to send you a little sunshine in time for your birthday week.

I hope the weekend with J makes you feel better. Maybe you can book a pedicure or something for next weekend for a bit of pampering.

Much More Than A Mom’s last blog post..Wacky Tobacky?

Cara, on April 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am Said:

Oh Chelle, I am so sorry you having such a bad week. It has got to be so hard to be without a support system close by. You can do it though, you have done it before, hang in there.
Ethan and Becca look fabulous and healthy to me. Baby start to thin out when they get mobile,
I am keeping you and your family in my thought and prayers and sending you “happy” mojo vibes
Cara’s last blog post..4-10-08 @ 10:08

Peggy, on April 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am Said:

I feel your pain with the blogging!! I think the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that if I look back into my archives, I remember milestones of the kids that I otherwise would have forgotten

That is truly the only reason I blog and I’ve lost readers because of it but oh well.

P.S. That’s an awesome cake!

Betty, on April 13th, 2008 at 10:42 am Said:

are you kidding me? that TOTALLY looks like a race car!!

Do you make lists? I know it sounds lame but I’ve been in a very bad place lately, feeling like there’s too much I want to do and not enough time… like I can’t keep the days straight, overwhelmed and anxious all the time… so I made a list by weekday of the things I want to do/see/finish. Seeing it written out on paper helped to ease my frustration. Sometimes I’ve had to move things from one day to the other but it helps me feel in control to have a visual aide of all the things stomping around in my head.

*hugs*

Holly, on April 13th, 2008 at 1:14 pm Said:

Giant hugs from So CA! Miss you.

midori, on April 13th, 2008 at 1:55 pm Said:

Sorry you had a bad week. I feel like I could have written everything that you wrote though, especially the bit about missing friends and it taking time to make good ones. You are not alone with your feelings and I hope you don`t give up blogging because I will definitely miss you.

midori’s last blog post..Why I am totally going on a diet…

Heather, on April 13th, 2008 at 2:17 pm Said:

I think about quitting blogging sometimes too, because it is just so time-consuming to keep up with all the other blogs and reciprocate comments, etc. I figure I’ll just stop when I get really tired of it. Or maybe I’ll just blog occasionally or something. Who knows.

Try not to worry about Ethan, My son was also a big baby but he has not grown a whole lot in the last few years. Once he started moving around he thinned out a lot. He’s one of the smallest kids in his preschool and he was a 20-lb. 4 month old!

Heather’s last blog post..Crazy Mom Rant?

Devilish Southern Belle, on April 13th, 2008 at 4:23 pm Said:

I am so sorry that all this has come down on you. I can imagine it would be very hard to blog with small ones, and keep up with everything else, too. Everything I wanted and needed to do was so much harder on me when my kids were younger. I hope you can shake the feeling, but if not, I support your decision. You have to do what is best for yourself, your family, and your sanity.

Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..I just can’t do it on my own.

~JJ!, on April 13th, 2008 at 4:34 pm Said:

Chelle, I wish I could come over….I’m sorry you are feeling down. I understand…I get there too as you know.

I would never forget you no matter how long of a break you took to gather your being…

I just hope you can find some peace for yourself…I’m sure your kiddies are perfectly healthy and surely happy!!!

You need some time for yourself…and maybe you also need to get rejuved…Don’t be so hard on yourself either… That can really bring your spirits down..This I know all too well.

I’m always here if you need an ear…We may not be IRL friends but I will always lend you my support and my ear…whatever I can do…

hugs.

~JJ!’s last blog post..Charity Water

Aimee, on April 13th, 2008 at 4:44 pm Said:

As they say, this too shall pass. It seems like everyone gets into low energy cycles at some point or another. Be kind to yourself, and listen to what your soul tells you to do.

Aimee’s last blog post..I heart glow in the dark.

Shannon @ Gabi's World, on April 13th, 2008 at 4:59 pm Said:

Happy belated birthdays! Don’t quit blogging! I’ll miss you! Hope all the health issues resolve without any problems.

Shannon @ Gabi’s World’s last blog post..Sunday Scripture

Crunchy Domestic Goddess, on April 13th, 2008 at 5:26 pm Said:

i’m sorry you had such a rough week. blogging can take a lot out of a person at times. i think it’s a blessing and a curse.

hope you are feeling better soon and that you stick around, but if not, i totally understand.

hugs!

Crunchy Domestic Goddess’s last blog post..Green Tip of the Week #18 - The Story of Stuff

Erin, on April 13th, 2008 at 7:20 pm Said:

Hugs!!! I’m so sorry that your in a slump! Maybe your birthday has brought up past issues you’ve got to deal with to move forward??? (Birthdays always rattle me)

Sam also was down in both percentiles at his one year appointment…he’s just so busy (like Ethan) and my dr. said that it’s nothing to worry about. Just keep feeding him well…I think breastfed babies do decrease in percentiles due to their healthfulness (Just my humble opinion)…their getting just the nutrients that they need, not tons of extra stuff to store as fat…

Chelle Y., on April 13th, 2008 at 8:32 pm Said:

Ah, that cake is so cute! You did better than me! I will never try to make a cake. Haha!

Happy Birthday, Ethan! That smile on both your kids are so cute!

Crista, on April 13th, 2008 at 9:02 pm Said:

Oh, I know these feelings all too well…and yet I am not nearly as far as you are from where I grew up and have lived here for two years! Sometime life is just overwhelming…and believe it or not, the hubs just went on BP medication as he is hypertensive at 35. How insane is that?! I’m sure yours will level out…sending good, calming, low-salt thoughts!
Crista’s last blog post..First taste of homemade icing right out of the bowl

Gee B, on April 13th, 2008 at 9:21 pm Said:

Sorry to hear that it’s been “one of those weeks”. I would totally miss your writing if you decided to break from blogging - but hey can totally understand! Maybe you need to have a “hold” time, refresh yourself etc …. but keep reading because it’s one community of people that you have been able to remain on the same terms with regardless of where you’ve moved to etc. I don’t know about everyone else, but there is familiarity with reading the network of blogs you have - and there are people who can relate to what you’re going through and also just “be there” to listen/read.

Awesome job on the car cake! And your hair (in the last post) looks fantastic. You are so lucky to have great curl! (envy, envy)

P.S. My goodness, if the Dr compared my boys skin colour to mine I think he’d think he was from a different family!

Gee B’s last blog post..More Hip Than Hippy

Gwen, on April 14th, 2008 at 12:15 am Said:

I am sorry that things are not going as well as they could be. I know that it is really hard starting over in a new place especially finding new friends.

Even being in a place where I have now been for 10 years it is sometimes hard to be so far away from home. Know that I am thinking of you and I hope that things get better. I probably won’t be out east until Christmas, but when I am home I would love to get together with you and the kids.

PS please keep writing.
Gwen’s last blog post..News

Robina, on April 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am Said:

Well Chelle,

At least your make up b-day was good, right? And you know, when I eat that kind of food I get all swollen and feel like crap, so then I have to drink a BUNCH of water to flush it out of my system. I’m sure that’s all that was wrong with your blood preasure.

And I understand about friends. I finally got so tired of making new friends, that now I usually just have one or two good friends, and that’s it. I got tired of being heart broken. So yea, I understand.

Robina’s last blog post..Dear Mr. Tax Man/Woman:

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls, on April 14th, 2008 at 1:14 pm Said:

I love the cake! And I know what you mean about the rest - it seems like maybe last week was just a strange one. I know I was in a weird kind of funk that I’m still working on coming out of. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls’s last blog post..Monday Morning Meme #11

Don Mills Diva, on April 14th, 2008 at 2:03 pm Said:

I am so sorry you are feeling down. I’ve had a lot of difficulties the last several months and sometimes I feel I can’t possibly keep blogging but then I get a lovely comment and I feel I can’t possibly stop. Hope you feel less pressured soon…

Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Hip vs Healthy: let’s get ready to rumble

charmarie, on April 14th, 2008 at 4:21 pm Said:

I’m sure we all think about taking a time out not plain out quitting. Maybe that’s what you need is time away to focus and regroup. That’s what I did when I moved my domain. I in turn came back to blogging when R left on deployment as a project. I’m sure I won’t blog forever, one day I will be gone for good because I I do have a life it’s in the eyes of my son and the love of R.

You just need time Chelle, you’re back home and you’ve all gone through a wild ride, I’ve followed you since Becca was a little girl and I don’t recall you ever having a break…take one sweetheart.

charmarie’s last blog post..flickr + video = possibly no renewal

Lynette, on April 14th, 2008 at 6:54 pm Said:

Hang in there Chelle. Birthdays (unless for our kids) suck.

Lynette’s last blog post..First Haircut

Marz, on April 14th, 2008 at 7:53 pm Said:

Awww… Babe, I’m so sorry you’re not doing so well lately.
Hope the bp is nothing to worry about.
As to Ethan, he always looks nice & healthy in your pics.
BTW, nice cake! I like it.
Also wanted to mention how much alike the kids are looking, oh my gosh, they could almost pass for twins, lol.
Too cute!

crystal, on April 14th, 2008 at 9:08 pm Said:

I’m trying to get excited about my diet, too. I did go buy the organic unfiltered apple cidar vinegar I talked about on my site and have been sipping it (2 Tablespoons a day) and I really think it’s helping reduce my appetite. You should try it. It’s healthy too and will help rev up your metabolism.
Hope things get better soon. I’m sure summer will help.

crystal’s last blog post..Twenty years

Mom On The Run, on April 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pm Said:

Awwww Chelle - it’s the darn weather! Once the sun starts shining again I know you’ll feel better. Being a mom to 2 weee kids is hard enough without being hard on yourself. I could go on and on saying encouraging things, but a few weeks ago I felt just like you. A few good night sleeps helped a bit, but so did getting back to doing the things I love - try to take some “me” time!

Mom On The Run’s last blog post..About Mom On The Run:

Damselfly, on April 15th, 2008 at 12:47 pm Said:

Whoa. High blood pressure can do interesting things to you. Maybe that’s where the negativity is coming from. I hope you can take good care of yourself and feel better!

Ethan has never looked cuter! I can’t believe he’s a year old already!

Damselfly’s last blog post..Handy man-ee

Nadine, on April 15th, 2008 at 3:51 pm Said:

I’m sorry about your blood pressure. I hope it all gets back to normal.

I like the cake…it’s cute.

Don’t stop blogging. I would miss all the updates and cute pictures of the kids. Since I’ve been reading I’ve watch Ethan get bigger and bigger.

Nadine’s last blog post..My Nephew

Erin, on April 15th, 2008 at 7:32 pm Said:

Hey Chelle,

Are you knitting and designing much these days? Hoping you get your groove back soon!

Erin

amanda, on April 15th, 2008 at 10:03 pm Said:

Oh, friend. I am so sorry. Sometimes we need these episodes to get us back on course. I wish you didn’t have the stress or sadness, mostly it’s the “zero support” line that pierces me. If there is anything an online, faraway blogging acquaintance can help, I am at the ready.

Work out motivation, friendship, a place to rant. Whatever you might need or want, I’d be happy to offer it up.

((hugs))

amanda’s last blog post..Public Service Announcement, or Bitchy Pregnancy Rant

Michelle, on April 16th, 2008 at 12:01 am Said:

I’d miss you if you stopped blogging! I think I know what you mean though; I’m having a hard time finding the balance since Lucas was born! I feel like I’m always behind on commenting on blogs, responding to emails, and even getting a blog post up! I don’t know how you manage to post every day! Hugs to you!

Michelle’s last blog post..Something For Parker

Michelle at Scribbit, on April 16th, 2008 at 12:58 am Said:

I’ve only been at it a year and a half and I’m starting to feel the strain. Maybe it’s time to quit I wonder occasionally. I’m amazed at your four years.

Oh and I didn’t get over here on Monday but I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you felt comfortable commenting and telling me, “I think you’re crazy”

Glad to have such wonderfully polite and articulate blogging friends!

Michelle at Scribbit’s last blog post..Organizing Your House: Mint.com
Creative Thoughts » Blog Archive » I Don’t Get it, on May 15th, 2008 at 1:43 pm Said:

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