It is my birthday today.

I haven’t been a huge celebrator of my birthday for a few years now. I remember the days, long past that I would look forward to each passing year. Each one was a milestone. I had survived. I would party and enjoy the day with friends.

Nowadays, a birthday signifies another year gone. Another year I could have, should have, wanted to … but didn’t (or did!). I long for the celebrations. The carefree, simple birthdays. Next year, I just might have to have a party!

Birthdays also signify the ever growing wisdom and calm that I feel wash over me as each year that I am a Mother, is better than the last.

Now that we are settled, things will change. My role as mother and wife already has changed since arriving here. I am struggling still to find my footing, my niche … I happy though. Last year at this time, I was having trouble sitting, stitches and the healing process was taking over my body. Ethan was just beginning to nurse well and Becca felt like she was miles away from me. Today I am torn between feeling overwhelmingly content and startlingly unsettled still.

The next year, I wish to discover more, be more, experience more. I want to spend each day with my kids, enjoy my husband and get to know this city, our home town (Oh I would really really like to buy a house too … hehe k?)

I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I’m ready. -Buffy

I am in shock that it was a year ago today that we welcomed Ethan into our world. Since I never did get his birth story written down, now is as good as time as any to share it with you.

As you might recall last year by 5:45 pm Ethan had made his grand entrance. A few days later we introduced Ethan to all, in fact on my birthday! What lead up to all that you ask? Well grab a cup of tea and I will share the story with you.

J had just returned home from New Mexico, where he was interviewing for a potential position as a researcher at the National Labs. I was scheduled to be induced that evening. I was packed and so mentally ready to have this baby. The hospital called to cancel my induction, as they had a serge of labouring women. Drat! J was relieved to get a good night sleep, I however tossed and turned, not getting much sleep at all. I tried, but my nerves were fried and I was anxious.

The next morning I cautiously at breakfast and was about to shower when the phone rang!!! J & I got ready and explained to Becca that Ethan will be arriving soon. We hop into a cab (allowing Grandma M to have the car) and head to the hospital.

We check in, I undress and wait to meet our maternity nurse. We know that she will be the key to a happy, healthy labour and birth. In walks Nurse K … Oh she was such a magical blessing! I was so nervous being in the US, private healthcare system, the horror stories from women that ironically and better healthcare than I did … Nurse K set my mind at ease completely. She sat down with us to plan our day, including how we can have the labour and birth that we had hoped for. Nurse K was totally a goddess among nurses!

Nurse K set me up with the monitors and the IV, Dr D arrives shortly after a brief vist from Becca and Grandma M. We really wanted Becca to understand as much as possible and be there when she could be.

Dr D broke my water and attached an internal monitor. Now it was just a matter of time to allow the drugs to work with my body to jump start labour.

Nurse K encouraged me to sit up and to go as long as possible without an epidural. J & I talked and joked around a lot. We tried to relax and enjoy every moment. It was so much more fun and relaxed than when I laboured with Becca. That was such a scary experience! THis time around was wonderful and up until Nurse K went on lunch, panic free.

The contractions were intense and coming on strong but J would help me through each one with laughter and breathing. The induction process always makes things so much more. I was struggling when another nurse came in and insisted I lie down. I tried to argue but was feeling weak and overwhelmed. I as I went to lie down the panic set in, and the pain was so so intense. I freaked out. So an epidural was totally necessary at that point for me. Once that was all set I was calm again and the labour progressed.

Dr D came in at 5 pm to see how I was doing. I was fully dilated and ready to push! Ethan was COMING. However, the kid was facing to the side (rather than up or down) so we had to wait till he turned. I was lying on my side and I could sense when each contraction was about to happen. I would lose my breath and feel a little panic. It was intriguing. Eventually Dr D helped Ethan turn and he came into the world.

Becca was scooped away from me due to being preterm. Ethan was placed on me and stayed with us for a couple hours before being taken to the nursery to be weighed and all that jazz. It was so magical to spend that time with him. He was perfect. He still is perfect. His birth day was truly a wondrous day. J & I both enjoyed most of it and the end result was so so special.

That night, the hospital insisted J leave (it was an odd policy that I so do not understand). The woman that I shared a room with never turned her tv off. It blared throughout the night as she snored. Her baby was in the nursery. Ethan and I cuddled and nursed (sort of those first two nights were hard). In the morning I was in so much pain, and no nurse came to see me?!?! It was really weird. So I packed up and was totally ready to leave before J even arrived (he wasn’t allowed to come back till after 9 am!) I was so ready to get out of there! So I pretty much took care of the discharge stuff, never seeing a nurse, except to get some pain meds.

I was extremely overwhelmed with emotion when we got home. Hormones surged through my body, as I tried to balance my feelings fr Ethan, Becca and the world around me. As the weeks went by it all settled into place, but those first few days were tough.

So there it is. Ethan’s birth story. I hope to share some of the things that Ethan is doing as of his first birthday. For now though I am going to cherish this day with my family, celebrate an amazing first year.

Happy Birthday Ethan! We Love You!

Deleted due to hackers. Bad hackers. Bad

Have fun with more Wordless Wednesday.

So it is not housework keeping me from blogging …

My cute and cuddly, almost one year old (I am trying to convince myself that is really true) is most definitely cutting molars and has a runny nose and cough. He a HUGE snuggle bug when he is not feeling well, so that keeps me from typing a little (I usually pre-read all blog posts in Reader, then comment when I can).

All that car business did not help. The adjuster came yesterday … they are fixing it! w00t. May the cursed car run (just to spite me really) for another few years. Somehow I knew that was not the last we would see of our car “Crush” (so nicknamed after the first accident *sigh*) That puts us back on the saving for the house down payment/fees track! WooHoo!

This little guy has kept me a little busy. I knit him up, with some cotton I had on hand. One of my cousins just had an adorable baby boy that will be receiving this little guy, despite the protests from both my kids (really should knit my own kids a bear eh?) It was a fun project to knit up, but I want to try another pattern that is done in the round more … this was a lot of seaming … A LOT … Does it look like one ear is bigger than the other? I think I lost count and added one extra row … It is character … yeah like on purpose. pfft.

I also finished a new book bag for Becca (just need to seam it .. see an anti-seam pattern here?) She actually wore her other one out! I knit this one so that it would fit 5 picture books comfortably and therefore Becca would be able to carry it herself …. I am a sneaky one Becca is most excited to use it (once I finish it!)

I have been reading a lot. My super great pal from Harper Collins has sent me some fabulous books as of late, keeping me up past my bedtime, therefore less time for blogging, and a little groggy.

When I received “Just Tell Me What to Say” by Betsy Brown Braun, I immediately flipped to the chapter on death. CRAP I totally screwed up. So then I start reading about siblings … ha yup messed that up too (please note the author does not have a condescending tone or anything, I am merely being dramatic for effect). I have never come across a parenting book that I agree with every principle from cover to cover, however I really enjoyed the layout and many of her suggestions. For example, the author is very clear, not to get involved in sibling squabbles. I had noticed I was always “Becca … Becca … Becca what’s going on?” A lot of the time it was not “Becca”, rather Ethan being a turd, however naming the older sibling places that accusation on them, if you mean it or not. I have stopped intervening (although when one may lose a limb,I do step in) and the children are actually getting along better. Betsy Brown Braun has some awesome examples on how to say stuff to the kids. Sometimes it is all in the presentation. Great resource for any parent grasping at what to say (aren’t we all?)

In the same package, I received “Party Basics for New Nesters” by Maria McBride. I cannot actually profess to be a new nester by definition, however I have newly nested here, so I cracked open the book. I was greeted with amazing photos of fabulous and slyly do-able party entertaining themes and ideas! Her approach to decorating and entertaining on even my budget was delightful. Did I mention the photos are amazing? I am so tapping into my creative side and this book has been an inspiration (when not distracted by car woes). McBride’s introduction was perfect for a beginner, like myself, describing what every pantry should have and why. By dividing up the year into themes, it gives the reader a sense of anticipation, longing to attempt the “Canned Daisies” during “Spring Fling”. There are simple yet yummy sounding recipes, decorating and style guides throughout. Definitely a book that encourages the reader to jump beyond and try new things.

I have one more title from HarperCollins that I am eagerly reading at the moment. In fact I am devouring the book, enjoying it throughly. I look forward to sharing my thoughts on it in the very near future.

One more thing before you can share you thoughts with me, with a lovely comment that will stroke my ever hungry ego hint hint, if you are not reading and participating over at the Opinionated Parent, you really should. I just won the cutest T from RevoBaby (come back tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday), through the Opinionated Parent … not that I want competition in the contests, just they are seriously awesome contests!