There are times when I feel so overwhelmed. Saving for a house, not having all that I desire, the sacrifices that I have to endure to live the dream.
Then I remember the dream.
We have succeeded in securing J’s dream of becoming a professor at a university. However we have also begun living another dream. Our children. Staying at home with the kids, although challenging on so many levels at times, is my dream job. Why is it so easy to loose sight of that at times?
Scribbit had an amazing post about milestones. As stay at home moms, chances are we are not going to miss those moments that all too quickly fade in memories. I try to focus on the children, not wanting to miss a thing. Ethan is growing up so much faster than Becca did. Yet we are one year and a few months away from school with Becca. I am so not ready.
I have tossed the idea of preschool around a lot. I know that Becca would do well in preschool. She does well at everything she tries. Yet I do not want to rush this on her. She will have a lifetime to be in a structured, timely environment. Would I miss the first time she reads because she was somewhere else? Will she tie her shoe or do some other earth shattering milestone without me to cheer her on? I like to run off to the beach, the museum, the playground on a whim … Not after 2 pm.
I am fully aware that most people could not (would not) choose to live the way we do. The way in which we raise our children is “different”. I do not allow them to cry it out, feeling alone and abandoned. I know the feeling of being alone all to well. Why would that be something I want for my kids? Alone is a horrible horrible feeling. Solitude is glorious feeling like you have no one to call out for is scary.
Becca, Ethan & I went to a MOPS meeting/gathering yesterday morning. Oh My. I totally forgot that sensation of being with other moms, chatting, exchanging thoughts and theories and just being with others. I am a stay at home with a good book rather than hit the socialites parties kinda girl, but man do I like a good group of women to catch with on occasion. The other moms were great. Becca happily played with the other children in the preschool room, while Ethan basked in the glory of being the centre of attention in his sling.
An older lady teased me about not taking Ethan to the nursery. I am so not ready and I know Ethan would have protested being left with strangers. We have been on our own with little outside support for so long it is hard to turn that feeling off. Besides I did not need to be away from my child to feel rejuvenated and refreshed. We watched a video on a discipline technique that spoke of training our children like wild animals, then discussed it. The discussion quickly turned to other topics (thankfully). I was a tad nervous going to a religious based group, since I am rather quiet about that sort of thing. However, when surround by good people, the looming idea that they may just try to convince you to drink the purple kool-aide fades. I did get the number of another mom, so you know we could hook up for a play date in the future. I am trying to get out there, meet the people.
I venturing from one topic to the next with no direction. I love blogging. It is so good to get it out there. Oh JJ asked last week if Becca minded the drastic change in weather. So as we walked home from the library all bundled up in the cold, I asked Becca her thoughts on the weather …
I am worried, all this rain is going to melt the snow! I like the snow. It is not THAT cold and you make me hot chocolate when it is cold. Are we having hot chocolate when we get home?
So I guess it is a non-issue for her. I asked her if she missed it being nice and warm all the time, she just shrugged. I think she is young enough that those memories fade fast. The other day she told me she wasn’t sure if Charisma was a dream, or if he was really here at one time. That made me sad, but I am hoping she is healing in her own way.
Due to being ill last week I did nto announce the winner of the Lemonsquare CD … Many Congrats to Janice!
A Canadian mom with three cute kids. This blog chronicles our lives my creative pursuits. 
It’s all coming together. And transitions are always easier with hot chocolate.
Sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ve missed reading you. I’ve been sick and only now coming up for air.
If she did go to preschool, isn’t that kind of like putting you with a group of moms who would also be dealing with the same things tho? It could be good for both of you. I live next door to an elementary school and the moms here all walk to school together in packs… after the kids are safely inside, they still stand around outside gabbing. Sometimes, I’ll glance out my window and there are large gatherings of women, babies and strollers in my driveway (seriously!) having animated discussions.
Awesome. You are a fantastic PARENT…Mother, woman, friend. Your children are so very lucky to have you. We choose the parenting techniques that are right for us and that don’t FEEL like techniques. They feel right. That’s it. You follow your gut and your beliefs and your children thrive on that.
So happy she loves the snow.
I have a post forming in my head about school too…I can’t wait to hear your opinion.
You know, we raise our kids the same way. I think knowing that we did our very best for them in their first years is more important then anything.
It is great that you are starting to to feel more at home in your new home.
What a nice post. Love the picture. Sounds like you guys are doing great.
So glad you’re getting out.
They are little for such a short time. I did (and am) send my kids to preschool. It is only 2 1/2 hours, twice a week when they’re 3, and 3 times a week when they’re 4. I miss them while they’re gone, but I get me time too. And I’m happier when we’re back together after a break. But that’s just me.
Now my daughter is at school all day and I miss her, but I know she’s doing well and she’s doing what she’s supposed to…learning how to leave me. Waaaaaah!
I know where you’re coming from. It’s tough raising children, everyone seems to know what’s best for your kids, but only you know what your children need.
My decision to let my youngest enter preschool came when he asked if he could “…go to school like brother.” It was so hard letting go, but I knew it was time.
You’re a great mom, and doing a wonderful job.
)
You kind of have to raise them the way you think is best don’t you? I mean there are so many people with so many conflicting opinions about how to raise a child properly that in the end all you can do is try your best and follow your gut. And if it makes you feel better, all of my children have been the only kids in their kindergarten classes who didn’t go to preschool. I get a lot of questions on it, even the teacher was kind of funny about “why didn’t you do preschool?”
You obviously love them and want the best for them, and in my book that’s the start of all great parenting.
slowly getting back into the blogisphere… great to catch up on a few dozen posts and see how you’re finally where you’ve always wanted to be. hugs and a happy new year x
Preschool is fab, and maybe you can find a cooperative one where you go with her about half the time and the other time you get 1-1 with Ethan? I know where you’re coming from, but as a teacher I can always tell the kids that didn’t go to preschool and it’s not a good thing. Though you’re a much better mom than most and I’m sure she’d be totally fine either way!
Nothing says, “I love you!” like a steaming cup of hot chocolate.
I like to mix a dash of cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice in with my hot chocolate, then add whipped cream and top it off with chocolate drizzle. Yum! 
With my girls Morgyn did 1 year of pre-school, she was a pretty open kid. Kamryn was an introvert to the extreme and she did 2 years, Kamryn grew so much in pre-scool and it did her good. Jillian could go this fall, just 2 days a week. Am I ready?? Heck no. Will she go?? I’m undecided. Does she need it?? Maybe a little bit, she is clingy. Luckily I still have some time to decide.
Chelle, you have my dream job! I know it’s tough, but so worth it. Love the pic too! I awarded you on my blog!
And do you like sushi or something?
I’m glad to hear you enjoyed your MOPS meeting! It really helped me to get out and meet other mom’s – especially being in the military so many of the friends I’ve made here have moved – and surprisingly we’re still here!
I so glad your meeting went well. I work outside the home and somedays wish that I was at home. I know it is not an easy job, my sister has three she stays home with (but is never home). I hope that your playdates go well. I was invited to a playdate recently (my first) and I think I am more excited then Bubbies.
You have to do what you feel is best and never let anyone sway you otherwise. Parenting is one of the most beneficial yet challenging occupations. Sending my son to preschool was the best thing I’ve ever done for him, now in Kindergarten he is excelling beyond understanding and his teacher is phenomenal. Even being full-time employed I have rarely missed any milestones with Steven I can recall every single one. I’m glad you are rekindling your dreams =)