Rocker requests a Normal Life
I am so looking forward to normal life again. Moving so disrupts that.
While all this moving jazz has been happening I was awarded the coveted Rockin’ Girl Blogger award by a couple of rockin’ bloggers! Thanks! I have to admit I was feeling a little un-rocking when the award was first doing the blog circuit, but the ladies hooked me up. If you have not been awarded the honour, the fact that you read here makes you rockin’ 
I hit a slump at the end of the week. Postpartum hormones, wrapped up with an incredible sense of loneliness hit me hard. I was snappy & cried without notice or cause. I couldn’t shake it & I felt like crap. I still do not feel like myself. I think once our home is back to order and I start into some routines again I will shake this feeling.
I resent that there are people that expect that I am totally great with everything that comes our way. I am not entirely happy with the move here. I made some amazing friends in California. Beyond that, we were suppose to be heading home next. It wasn’t suppose to work out this way.
Yet in my heart I know that is not true. Our path has always lead to where we are suppose to be. There was a time, after the miscarriage especially that I hated being in California. I felt no good could ever come out of the place were I lost my baby. Then we got pregnant with Ethan, I met Marina and Holly, I had the chemistry wives and so many adventures with Becca in California.
I know what I want out of our time here. My feelings are contradicting my wants at the moment and that is making me feel insanely horrible. Having J home for the weekend has helped. We went from being together for two weeks non-stop to him disappearing into the fog of the labs completely. That so did not help the loneliness factor.
Add to it that my children are growing up. Darn it no one said it would go this fast (wait that is totally not true, everyone says it goes by way fast. ugh). Becca is a little girl. Not my little baby anymore but a little girl that is trying to hard to find her place in the world. By doing so she creates many challenges that need me to be at my best, not at my worst. She no longer needs her night light and “can do it all by myself”.
Ethan is no longer a newborn. He has grown so much. He is so aware of everything around him. His head control is amazing. He is eating like crazy (a little draining but wouldn’t trade it!), is starting to bat at toys and gazes upon his big sister as if she is a goddess.
They moved in together this weekend. Ethan started sleeping in his crib in Becca’s room. Part of me wanted them both to hate it so I could have my baby back next to me. Nope! Ethan sleeps peacefully in the crib, crying out when he is hungry then back to sleep. Becca requests that her brother come to bed when she does, even though he retires a little later.
Life is whirl winding around me and I am barely keeping up. I hope to have even more in the house settled today with J’s help then next week can be dedicated to finding my footing a little more. It is ok for me not to like this place, it is not ok not to make the best of it and have some adventures in the meantime.
Back to unpacking … Hope your weekend was fab!
Moving is the worst. I amazed you do it with such grace. The first time we moved (not this last time) I stomped around the house for six months saying “I HATE it here. This is NOT my house.” You know, the house we ended up living in for 11 years. Yeah, I move well. :-).
But, kids add a different spin and you are forced not to stomp around even when you want to. Thank god for blogs where we can stomp when we need to.
We miss you. But we hope you like it there, not for us, for you. Take care.
I gave you one too - here - http://www.muchmorethanamom.com/?p=557 and you DO rock! Remember that as you settle in and shake those hormones.
Awww… (((HUGS))))
honestly, I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know what I would do without my family, but I’m not the one to go out & make friends easily. Some connections are very easy to make,like ours, but they don’t come by often.
I feel that you are a rock & if you need some down time sometimes, that’s totally ok.
I hope that this year goes by fast for you & you’ll come home again soon.
I can always depend on you to find the good in everything…even when you’re feeling down. You totally rock sister.
I hope you can find your groove your so awesome in your groove…(and out)
Congrats on the award. You totally rawk.
I’m sorry you’re feeling down… but it’s totally expected to feel this way. Moving is stressful enough without having to worry about late and broken furniture. If anything, I think you deserve a good cry or two or four to release some of that stress and tension. Things will get better… there will be new adventures and new friends.
Moving sucks! Even after 2yrs here I still have days of “what were we thinking” I remember the 1st few months here were the worst and we had a newborn so my hormones were way outta wack too. I think for you NOT to feel this way would be abnormal, no? We are not superhuman we have feelings, we have emotions. Although you seem to be somewhat superhuman given all you have done the last few years, and I have come to admire that about you.
Hang in there, you will find your way. You will find your groove, I have discovered after reading you for as long as I have you seem to be pretty strong (even when there are days that it doesn’t seem so). You ROCK! Things just need to settle down so you can be reminded of that.
I can so identify with some of your feelings! When I first moved to NM (actually when I first visited Joe here, before I left to go back to CO I started crying because I knew this was where I would be living since we were getting married). I hated it here - it didn’t compare to CO at all. I still wouldn’t say I love it here, and we wouldn’t choose here to retire too, but I’ve now been here for 7 yrs…I guess it’s just kind of grown on me - I’ve gotten used to it. Besides that I knew I had to start learning to like it, or I would make myself, and everyone around me, miserable! I know you can get through this - it’ll just take some time and adjusting - but realize that you are allowed to have feelings like you’re having too!
I hope that things improve for you quickly! I can’t imagine what it must be like to uproot and move! I only left home to buy our first house with my hubby and I cried for 3 weeks because I felt so unsettled in the new neighbourhood! It must be natural to go through what you are going through. You seem to have a magnetic personality (this I get only from reading your blog!) - I am sure you will draw more people around you soon!!
Aww hun.. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time finding your place down there. Just know that it will get better with time and you’ll be settled soon. We’re all here for you and you know that we’ll all bend over backwards to help you in any way possible. We love you.
Well now that you’ve hit your low…it can only get better.
Take care.
You’re a wonderful, strong young woman, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll excel no matter where you are.
I know folks are telling you that you are amazing. You are. Hang in there.
And be glad the kids adore each other. I am always so grateful when mine are playing well and enjoying each others’ compay. They need each other as we get old and senile….