My daughter is two years old and this Mother’s Day will be my third but I only just recently feel like I’m finally making this parenting thing work. I’m finally starting to feel like a real mom and not some woman simply acting the part until the real one comes along. So now I wonder – how much longer until Mother’s Day starts feeling like my day?
I know that may sound selfish – Mother’s Day is a day for all mothers, after all, not just me – but this year like years past (the fourth one without a mother of my own to share it with) Mother’s Day just doesn’t seem like a time to celebrate. And I wonder when I’ll stop feeling sorrow and longing for what I have lost and instead feel joy and gratitude for what I’ve been given.
However, you might be able to help me.
This may seem like a total downer during a time when we should be celebrating all things maternal, and I’m sorry for that, but this motherless mother gig is tough. My mom died a year before I had my daughter, a time when I desperately needed her and at the same time wanted to thank her, to kiss her feet and pledge my devotion for everything she had done for me because I finally, truly understood the sacrifices she had made. I don’t have that opportunity – and that stinks – but you might.
(Here’s where you come in.)
I really believe that a woman can never really, one hundred percent, understand and appreciate the woman who bore and raised her until she has a child of her own and never do I feel that raw feeling as much as I do on Mother’s Day. So I’ll take this opportunity to ask, nay beg you, if you have a woman in your life that you call Mom, whether she’s biological or adoptee, to tell that woman that you love her. And not just on May 13, but every day you can. Call her for no reason. Take her out for lunch. Give her a big hug when she’s not expecting it. Make her feel special.
The way I see it, I’d want my daughter to do any of those things for me as she gets older. Right now she’s young enough for me to kiss and hug any time I want but she’ll grow, both older and away, and I won’t be able to shower her with love and affection forever. She’ll reach a phase when she’ll probably resent me, as I resented my mom when I was a teenager, and we might say awful things to each other, but I hope we’ll be able to forgive each other for them. I dream that she’ll have a child of her own one day and I’ll be able to take all my affection for my daughter, that woman who came from my body but by then will be separate from me, and shower my grandchild with it. And together she and I, my daughter and me, will be closer for it.
I didn’t get a chance to do much of that with my mom, which is why I’ll always feel like Mother’s Day is my mom’s day and not mine, but my hope is that some of you will. For me, Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet and I’ll learn to deal with that. You, however, have the chance to make that day very special for the woman in your life that responded whenever you cried, watched over you as you slept, worried over every sneeze or sniffle, and a million and one other little things that makes a woman a mother. Not to mention all that labor and delivery stuff.
That is my Mother’s Day wish for you, for you to love your mom and to make sure she knows she’s loved. That wish is for you but it’s also for me. If I can give you the benefit of my unfortunate wisdom then that would make Mother’s Day easier for me.
Besides, it’s for your own good. Listen to me, I know what I’m talking about.
I’m a mother.
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Mrs. C, wife, mother and motherless mom, isn’t always such a wet blanket. Sometimes she’s even funny. When she’s not blog hopping and wallowing in her own misery you can find her at Chicky Chicky Baby, where she only occasionally wallows when the spirit moves her. But, more importantly, it’s where you’ll find the wonderful Chelle today as part of the Blog Exchange.
A Canadian mom with three cute kids. This blog chronicles our lives my creative pursuits. 
Aching in its reminder of the preciousness of lfe. Something we should remember, thanks for the poignant reminder. Beautiful!
As you know, I can’t help you either.
That was so from my own heart it hurts to read. (As a matter of fact, I couldn’t read the whole thing)
I’m so sorry Mrs. C.
But I feel that emptiness too…
That is some good advice.
Beautiful post.
I didn’t feel like a REAL mother for ages after I had my first child. And then one day, all at once, I just DID. It was suddenly something completely automatic. I’ll probably be cutting stranger’s food in restuarants until I’m 90.
What a sweet, lovely post. Thanks for the reminder.
Beautiful post. Isn’t it amazing how much more we love our mom after we become one. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Hugs Mrs C. I love my Mom and can’t even begin to say I underdstand how you feel. At some point we all experince loss but I think to lose our Mom is well BIG. Now that we have moved she seems even farther away on days like Mother’s Day. Thankfully we have a great phone plan.
Mrs. Chicky, I know how much you miss your mother. I remember reading about this at your blog. I can’t find the words to comfort you, but please know your Mom is with you and Chicky. And it is your day. Even if it doesn’t feel like it (it doesn’t feel like it for me either). I can’t tell you that I know how hard it is to be a mom without my own mom. But I can say that you have my support. It may not be the same, but it’s there.
Beautiful post. I really learned a lot after reading this.
Thanks for the reminder–and I think my mom would thank you too.
That is so important to remember.
Beautifully written! Thanks for the good advice, Mrs. C.
So, Chelle, how does one get involved in this blog exchange deal?
Oh you have me in tears here! We have something in common with our mothers – to a point. When my parents divorced my mom voluntarily gave up custody of my brother and me to my dad – she just felt he was better able to provide for and support us since he was in the military (I did a whole post on my mom and this subject before). So I do understand not being raised by your mom; however I know that is where our differences ended as my mom was still a very active part of my life. I’m sorry you didn’t have this from your mom and now that she is gone you won’t be able to tell her all of those things. Thank you for reminding us about how fragile life is and to take a moment and tell our moms how much we love them. Thank you.
Very inspiring post. Very.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
PS. I’ve started a photoblog at http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/mike_leonen
Appreciate a visit and comments.
Awesome post. Sorry about your mom. I wish you a very happy mother’s day.
Thanks for the reminder. Hang in there.
What a beautiful and moving post. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your a wonderful mom and will make a wonderful grandmother some day.
I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day, because you ARE a mother and you are a special one to me!
that was beautiful – it’s too late to phone my mom now, but I’m sender her an email.
My mother always said I’d never understand how much she loves me until I had a child of my own and that has certainly proved true.
A mother’s feelings are unique and wonderful.
what a great request, mrs. chicky. i try to make sure my mom knows how great she is whenever i can. heck, i wrote an entire post to her completely apart from mother’s day or her birthday or anything – just because she’s that cool. i think it just makes our relationship that much stronger, to have that honest appreciation. thanks for the reminder.
I agree with you completely, and i do it and often. Mainly because my mother was paralyzed when she had a mass of cancer removed from her spine. So I have thought about what it would be like to lose her, and I couldn’t go through that right now…
These are such inspiring words! It makes me want to hug my mom which I am lucky that I will be able to do next month. I hope that Mr. C and Chicky Baby deliver breakfast to you in bed and give you some unique toddler artwork that makes you feel like the mom that you are!
You are so right on. Thank you.