Nic from Much More Than a Mom and Amanda from Tumble Dry, both tagged me for the Real Moms Meme (Janet has done it as well, all great responses so you should check them out).
These are the rules: Put up a post “Real Moms [insert what you do here]“, followed by an explanation, a picture, and a “Real Moms. Making ….”.
Real Moms … Don’t leave.
Some of you are aware that I don’t have a mom in my life. I haven’t since I was six months old. As the story goes, she left. She had two other children from previous relationships. She took them and left me.
Being 6 months old I am very confident that it was not I, that caused her to leave. From what I am told I was a good baby. My Dad’s memories are of a baby that slept through the night, was sweet, cute and cuddly.
I am fully aware that many (if not all) my insecurities as a Mother myself are rooted in the fact that I grew up without my own Mom. I went through major a emotional and psychological processes when pregnant with Becca. I had to face that despite the fact that I wanted to be a Mom, more than anything else in the world, I had very little to base that role on. My relationships with other women were traditionally quite strained, not really knowing how to relate to them. I had very little sense of boundaries and often questioned myself or their motives.
Being that my Mom left, I have a few abandonment issues. These moments of intense insecurities affect how we have chosen to raise our children. In case you have not noticed, Becca and I are extremely close. I am a believer in Attachment Parenting, although I had no idea that is the way we were raising her until she was older. I am not hard core one philosophy or another, I follow my gut and balance that with what my husband is comfortable with.
NEVER will my children feel alone, insecure nor will they wonder if anyone loves them truly.
Most people I know (especially when I was growing up) take that for granted. They take it for granted that their parents love them unconditionally and that they can always depend on their Mom because …
Real Moms … Don’t Leave.
I have to mention that my Dad was amazing. After his wife left him with a baby under the age of one he did his best to raise me. For the next two years I spent my days with a babysitter while my Dad worked. It was a tough gig in the 70′s to be a single Dad. He did the best he could, but also needed to work to support us. When I was three I went to live with my grandparents, so my Dad could take advantage of the 80′s boom and work. My Grandparents were phenomenal. They took care of me and helped raise me when no one else stepped up to the plate. Later they became my best friends (I love you Grandma!) and when we lost my Grandfather a few years ago, I felt like he took a piece of me with him (now I try to think of it as I have a piece of him with me and Ethan will carry my Grandfather’s name as his middle name).
I used to wonder what my life would have been like if I had a Real Mom. One that stayed and loved me. Now I use the energy to focus on what I do have. An amazing husband that despite all my quirkiness and insecurities loves me unconditionally. A beautiful, smart daughter that leaves me in awe everyday. Of course a new addition is going to be added to the clan. A little boy that I can hardly wait to meet face to face. To whisper in his ear that I will always love him.
Thanks for the tag ladies. I have to revisit the lack of mom “issue” every once in a while so it does not creep into my psyche and cause havoc. I learnt years ago that facing these things head on, is quite painful at times but way better than allowing them to haunt my existence.
What does the phrase “Real Moms” mean to you?
A Canadian mom with three cute kids. This blog chronicles our lives my creative pursuits. 
Wow – that was awesome. You are such an amazing mom.
Your an amazing women! Your children are LUCKY to have you as a Mom!
You are my hero. Truly.
That was amazing.
Thank you for sharing that.
I love you more today than I did yesterday!
Great post…thanks for sharing something so personal! From everything I read on your blog it sounds like you are an amazing mother!!!
Hey Chelle – we have a bit in common. I was also raised by my dad. Not having a mum around has also led to a lot of insecurities in myself – ones I didn’t realise were there until I became a mum too. I also am VERY attached to my kids – this has led to some hard times eg. trusting other people to look after them. My dad was awesome raising us (my little sister and I) we were both young preschoolers and he had to work too, so we had a nanny. I don’t believe there is enough praise in the world out there for dads who take on the single parent role. From time to time I have a catch up with my mum – it’s interesting, like catching up with someone I think I should know, but don’t really know at all. I think you read my post about our last catch up, which was 8 years after the previous. That is just the way life has paved itself for me – but like you, it has given me a determination to be a real positive, loving and adoring presence in my kids lives. Great post, and thanks for sharing!
I think that you are an amazing mom!
You are definitely an amazing Mum and your Mum really missed out on getting to know such a wonderful human being.
Great words. Very inspiring.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
I go through the same thing with my kids – not because my mom left, but simply because she was never there. She wasn’t the type to hug us when we were young, and everytime I thought I might be getting close to having a real mom she’d pull away again. I never felt like I could trust her to just be a mom…
For someone who did not have a great example of what a “real mom” is, you sure have beaten the odds. Becca is so blessed to have a mom like you, as I am sure she is a blessing to you too!
Thanks for sharing *hugs* Mine’s the opposite. My dad left me when I was 12
Your dad & gramps are a wonderful bunch.
Such a beautiful post. Becca and BabyToBe are incredibly blessed to have you as a mother.
Amazing post, thanks for sharing it with the rest of us. WOW!!
I agree – what a beautiful post. You’re an amazing person to find such strength inside yourself to be the mother your children need.
How amazing you are to turn something like that into a positive. Few people ever really realize the strength that lies within them. Hats off to you!
Chelle,
What an amazing account of an amazing woman…
Damn girl, I’m crying here! I knew you didn’t have a mom, but I didn’t know the details. This was one amazing post…and you are one amazing woman/momma, not that I didn’t already know that.
I think you’re doing an outstanding job raising Becca and she knows she is well-loved!
I think that you are such an awesome Mom!
I sometimes take it for granted that my Mom loves me unconditionally…and deal with my husband not knowing that feeling. Sometimes I think I should be making up for it but realize I can’t and I just have to trust the person that he is – and that he is a great person and father who does love unconditionally.
A great post-”That from the heart touches the heart!”
Oh, Chelle. I feel for you. My mother was too busy chasing boyfriends when I was little after my parents’ divorce, when my grandmother partially raised me. Then my stepmother was a good mom to me until I hit the teen years, when she became emotionally abusive out of jealousy for some crazy reason. So I don’t feel I have really good mom role models, either. For years, I was afraid to become a mom for that reason. But here we are. I may do no better, no worse than my mom and stepmom, but I agree that real moms don’t leave.
This is my first visit to your blog and what an amazing post! By what I’ve read so far you are an amazing mom! I wish everyone could have a mom who loves them unconditionally and your children have that! Your dad and grandparents sound amazing. After reading your post I appreciate my mom even more. I wish you well.