Pic of the Day ~ Post Naptime Snuggles ~

Once again I am in awe that another week has squeaked by. It has been a week full of things to be grateful for.

1. I am grateful that I am still pregnant. I have been experiencing panic attacks that I am sure are linked to that insecurity. The attacks so need to not continue once Ethan arrives, they are really a horrific sensation. I am really enjoying this pregnancy. There have been some ups and downs for sure, but I am trying to love every moment.

2. I am thankful for our friends. Becca was able to hang out with her pal Jamie twice this week and in turn I was lucky to chill out with Holly. We also had the opportunity to spend the day with Erin and Samuel, which is always awesome!

3. I am in debt to J, for allowing me to listen to my body yesterday and take two naps. I was especially tired yesterday and J was kind enough to take Becca to work in the morning then stay home in the afternoon. The guy has even more on his plate than I do and he is balancing it all with much grace and compassion. Unfortunately napping twice left me wide awake till TWO AM this morning, so I am not sure I should listen that closely to my body next time!

4. I am grateful for my time with Becca. This past week we have spent so many quality  moments it has made me swell with love. Post-Nap times has been snugglefests, she has been crawling into our bed in the morning and gets all cozy. We have also played hard and been in-sync all week. Having bad days on occasion sure helps keep the perspective on the good days!

5. I am thankful for my Sunday morning knit times. I look forward to them all week. It is my chance to be alone for the drive there and then be just me, talk with a great friend and relax.  AND I get to knit. I have been working on a sweater that is finally near completion (after knitting the sucker almost twice!) It has been an amazing project even with the mistakes, the ripping out and trying again.

This coming week, we see the OB (every week now), have a playdate on the calendar and I am co-hosting book club at Holly’s house. Last fall I read The Glass Castle (HIGHLY recommend it btw!) so that was my pick for this month. I also have a itsy bit of sewing left and I have been inspired in the web design department so I have been puttering about on that.

Pic of the Day ~ Our Little Butterfly ~

Someone (oh gosh please forgive me) tagged me for this Meme and I am at a complete loss as to who. I am so so so sorry. I blame pregnancy hormones, parenting a toddler, being wife to a chemist and general memory loss. Please take credit for tagging me and I will put your name and blog up in lights.

So why do I blog?

Almost two years ago we purchased this domain and I began blogging. I had a little blog elsewhere, but had lost interest in the limitations of blogging on a free service. J had secured a huge grant that guaranteed us a spot in a Southern California University for him to complete his post-doc. I wanted a place where all our friends and family could check in on Becca and us. Everyday I posted a picture of Becca, knowing that her Grandparents and Great-Grandma’s were missing her so much.

Since then my blogging has evolved. I blog for myself, as therapy some days and still keep everyone in the know. I have worked hard to learn CSS, PHP and the like so that I can creatively reflect myself through the designs of the blog. I have designed for others, which brings me much joy and challenges. I share my loves, my losses, my hobbies, my stumbles….

However above all that … I continue to blog because of you. Yes YOU. The people that read my blog day after day. Some Lurk. Some Shout. Some are Related. Others have been there from the beginning. I do not really write for you. That I do for my soul, my family and my kids. Yet I blog to be part of what you are. I read your blogs and receive feedback from you. It is our global community. I long to be able to sit with each of you, knit, have a cup of tea and talk. Yet I know that I am not going to Australia, Japan, New York or even *~sniff sniff~* Canada in the near future.

So I sit at my beloved IBook, with my knitting on my lap, a cup of tea staining my desk and I read and write to all of you. I am a better person because I blog. How narcissistic is that? Yet so true. I receive advice on parenting, love, life and so much more. I have learned about my own limitations and what I excel at. I see myself as a reflection of the you and I am honoured to be in your world, be it virtual or otherwise.

Why do you Blog?

Pic of the Day ~ Becca with the Butterflies ~

What better way to celebrate Spring than to drive out to the desert and go to a zoo! Becca and I took, Erin and Samuel to the Living Desert Zoo. Although it was cool and raining at home, the desert was hot hot hot! hehe! We met up with the Mom’s Club there, so we were able to tour the zoo with great people, including Jamie and Holly! I really got warm walking and being all pregnant but we survived, plus Becca touched a snake! Normally she is pretty freaked out to touch even with encouragement. However when the zoo volunteer offered up the Sand Boa, Becca felt his skin!! It was cool!

I feel a little foolish. I went to the OB yesterday unscheduled because I was starting to get more concerned about the pain I was feeling (I mentioned here that I ~thought~ it was my sciatic nerve). After an examination it was determined that the pain that has gradually gotten worse over time is Braxton Hicks!! And ligament pulling … All normal pregnancy stuff! I felt like a dork! To give myself some slack I have never made it this FAR in a pregnancy so really how was I to know?!?!?! hehe.

I have been a tad moody as of late as well. If you were to ask J, you would have to find him as he is ducking for cover most days, trying to avoid my mood swings ~blush~ It isn’t like I can actually control them! Thankfully Becca and I are in sync so we are not really butting heads. I am just really frustrated. Not at anything particular, just like everything.

I am almost done with my sewing sprint! I finished Ethan’s hooded towels (I will write up a tutorial soon I promise!), as well as fitted sheets for the bassinet. I need thread and a bit more trim for his blankets and I am done! I have been evil about updating my crafty/knitting blog, but I have been working on a hooded sweater for Becca and some more soakers for Ethan.

Busy Busy Busy …. loving it I do look forward to sitting and working on some computer stuff (thankfully). Emails are piling up as well as partial projects to finish.

Happy Spring to all. I hope each and everyone of you were able to enjoy the day in your own way.

Nic from Much More Than a Mom and Amanda from Tumble Dry, both tagged me for the Real Moms Meme (Janet has done it as well, all great responses so you should check them out).

These are the rules: Put up a post “Real Moms [insert what you do here]“, followed by an explanation, a picture, and a “Real Moms. Making ….”.

Real Moms … Don’t leave.

Some of you are aware that I don’t have a mom in my life. I haven’t since I was six months old. As the story goes, she left. She had two other children from previous relationships. She took them and left me.

Being 6 months old I am very confident that it was not I, that caused her to leave.  From what I am told I was a good baby. My Dad’s memories are of a baby that slept through the night, was sweet, cute and cuddly.

I am fully aware that many (if not all) my insecurities as a Mother myself are rooted in the fact that I grew up without my own Mom. I went through major a emotional and psychological processes when pregnant with Becca. I had to face that despite the fact that I wanted to be a Mom, more than anything else in the world, I had very little to base that role on. My relationships with other women were traditionally quite strained, not really knowing how to relate to them. I had very little sense of boundaries and often questioned myself or their motives.

Being that my Mom left, I have a few abandonment issues. These moments of intense insecurities affect how we have chosen to raise our children. In case you have not noticed, Becca and I are extremely close. I am a believer in Attachment Parenting, although I had no idea that is the way we were raising her until she was older. I am not hard core one philosophy or another, I follow my gut and balance that with what my husband is comfortable with.

NEVER will my children feel alone, insecure nor will they wonder if anyone loves them truly.

Most people I know (especially when I was growing up) take that for granted. They take it for granted that their parents love them unconditionally and that they can always depend on their Mom because …

Real Moms … Don’t Leave.

I have to mention that my Dad was amazing. After his wife left him with a baby under the age of one he did his best to raise me. For the next two years I spent my days with a babysitter while my Dad worked. It was a tough gig in the 70’s to be a single Dad. He did the best he could, but also needed to work to support us. When I was three I went to live with my grandparents, so my Dad could take advantage of the 80’s boom and work. My Grandparents were phenomenal. They took care of me and helped raise me when no one else stepped up to the plate. Later they became my best friends (I love you Grandma!) and when we lost my Grandfather a few years ago, I felt like he took a piece of me with him (now I try to think of it as I have a piece of him with me and Ethan will carry my Grandfather’s name as his middle name).

I used to wonder what my life would have been like if I had a Real Mom. One that stayed and loved me. Now I use the energy to focus on what I do have. An amazing husband that despite all my quirkiness and insecurities loves me unconditionally.  A beautiful, smart daughter that leaves me in awe everyday. Of course a new addition is going to be added to the clan. A little boy that I can hardly wait to meet face to face. To whisper in his ear that I will always love him.

Thanks for the tag ladies. I have to revisit the lack of mom “issue” every once in a while so it does not creep into my psyche and cause havoc. I learnt years ago that facing these things head on, is quite painful at times but way better than allowing them to haunt my existence.

What does the phrase “Real Moms” mean to you?

Pic of the Day ~ Becca Enjoying the Fresh (?) Air ~

Honestly I keep getting lost in the clutches of time. We never cracked open the green food colouring this week (we are not Irish either, but alas Canadians and green Beer have a long drawn out history!) It was due to the fact that I had no indication that it was the 17th of this month. Where has the time gone? In a mere 30 days or so I will have a wee little baby outside of my womb, rather than inside … that is shocking. Time Flies Baby, Time Flies.

This week I am grateful for a few things:

1. Although we had a rough start of the week, I am grateful that Becca and I are back in sync, once again enjoying each other’s company.

2. I am ever so grateful that for the past few days Becca and I have been so happy, busy and playing we “forgot” to watch tv!

3. I could never express enough gratitude that I am still healthy this pregnancy. I ~*think*~ I am having some issues with my sciatica nerve and will have to let the doctor know (ugh it hurts to get going but once I am going I am ok, annoying to say the least!) Besides that I am in a glowing mood, and feel great!

4. I am grateful that I acknomplishes almost all my sewing goals this week. I finished my diaper bag and matching change pad, a wicked little knitting bag (same pattern), a simple dress for Becca and some mending. Only a few more items to sew!

5. Edited to Add I am so so happy that we rented some storage space this week and J has been diligently clearing out packed boxes and miscellaneous items out of our room, and our closets. I have been able to make a little space for Ethan and organize some more of his things in anticipation of his arrival.

6. It was awesome to get out of the house last night and attend a BBQ hosted by J’s boss. Becca had a wonderful time running and playing with the other kids and J had the opportunity to be social with his colleagues. J even stayed a little later giving him a chance to relax and enjoy himself (and me some quiet self reflection/knitting time).

I hope your week has been a blessed one. Becca and I busy this coming week with playdates, a trip to the zoo and we need to go shoe shopping for some sport sandals for Becca.