I almost did not make this month’s Create Your Year Theme ... Thank Goodness March has 31 days!

First off, I apologize. These last few months I have not been the blogger I once was. I am hoping it is the pregnancy hormones rushing through my body, confusing my brain. I have a huge aversion to electronics of all kinds as of late and it is only growing stronger. I rarely if ever watch television, listen to music and honestly I have to force myself to sit at my computer.

This behaviour freaks me out. I am seriously in love with my computer. Only if you are an Apple user can you understand the emotion connection one has to their Beloved. My iBook is so lonely, sometimes I can hear him cry. Yet last night I curled up with a book, after making the decision earlier to work on the computer. Odd.

Today I was off to spend the morning and early afternoon with my friend Marina. It is her birthday, so we went to knit, then made some beaded anklets and enjoy a child free lunch together. We even had our photos taken at the local coffee shop for a local newspaper! hehe.

So Marching to Our Own Drum … When I spotted this month’s theme at Aimee’s the first thing I thought of was parenting. J & I have definitely not gone with the mainstream all the time when parenting Becca. We follow a more attached style of parenting than most. My Mother-in-law was a huge inspiration for me, advising little but when she did share advise it was good. The two things that have stuck with me the most was get out of the house (early on, rahter than getting isolated right from the start) and don’t hesitate to rock your baby to sleep, it will not last forever.

Those words of wisdom started us down a path of parenting that some look upon as difficult and child-centered. Yet it really works for us and Becca. Maybe we will have to reevaluate the approach with Ethan (somehow I am confident we will not have to change much). Becca is a confident, polite, sweet kid (lol most days and usually in public). So we must be doing alright all attached and potentially “spoiling” our children when they are infants. Marching to our own drum …

Wear Your Baby/Toddler

Snuggle Your Kids

You can never read too much to your Children ….

Make everyday an adventure

And never be afraid to be a little silly

Pic of the Day ~ Do You Like My Hat? ~

Isn’t Becca’s toque AWESOME!??! Marina knit it (for herself but the pattern came out a little small! hehe) Becca has received so many compliments on it!

I realized on my drive to Marina’s yesterday that I never really blogged about the anxiety attacks, rather I grazed by them not wanting to make them a big deal.

For the last 6 weeks, I have been experiencing what I think are anxiety attacks. I feel this incredible sense of impending doom, my chest tightens up, I have trouble breathing, my heart races and pounds in my throat, sometimes I break out in a sweat and have hot flashes. It is a HORRIFIC feeling. I feel like at any moment I might die. The only time I have ever felt this sensation was when I had the miscarriage. I was bleeding extremely bad and my blood pressure was dropping at an alarming rate. I had the above feelings as well as a feeling of lose of control. Then I passed out. It only happened three times during the duration of the hospital stay during the miscarriage, but it was a feeling I will never forget.

So after the first “attack” I was pretty freaked out. However, these “attacks” occur when I am at rest, the most comfortable and pretty much completely relaxed. There is NOTHING occuring to initiate such a responce. I spoke with our OB doctor about it and he seemed disinterested and said sounded like anxiety attacks. I have just breathed through them and tried to remain calm.

Now that I am a little more in tune with my body and the braxton hicks are gettign stronger, I am coming to realize that with the practice contractions the “attacks” appear either before or during. I am coming to accept that these attacks are indeed my version of a braxton hicks (explaining the 2 cm progress!) and that it is not impending doom instead my body at work. It is not comfortable and I dislike feeling that way quite a bit, however knowing my body is working for me this pregnancy rahter than against me, makes me feel jubilant and fortunate.

On a brighter note …. WOW! What a responce to the Interview with a Blogger. I hope that I have sent out all the questions to everyone. I feel much better with the distractions so thank you.

Jacquie at Deal With it Girls Rule, is a new blogger, however has been a reader and commenter here at Crazy Thoughts for a long time now. She participated in the Q & A, so make sure you check it out and give her some blogging love, being the new kid on the block is a tough gig!

Midori played too … her answers are really great! Erica from A Lifetime too! Awesome Mom played along (again!) Stephanie from Queen of the Cute Shoes (got to love that blog title!) … There are more coming … Challenging my very pregnant brain to come up with unique questions! I will be sending out another round out this morning! This has been a fun meme!

Updated  to Add Misguided Mommy played along too!

Pic of the Day ~ Becca Modellling the Sweater I Knit for her in a Tutu ~

I wanted to say thanks to everyone that has played along with the Interviews (see post below), if I have yet to email you questions, please know I will very soon

Nic and Phobere have already posted their  Q & A …

Yesterday was an odd day full of anxiety and pains, then it all disappeared and I was left cranky. It was odd. Today Becca and I are jetting to Marina’s to play and knit. A welcome distraction.

It is so conflicting. Part of me is all, Stay Put Boy! And the other part is all …. w00t Bring it on Boy! Life is never easy is it?

I feel like such a n00b. Like i have never given birth since I have never made it this far. Who knew there was pregnancy after 34.5 weeks? The anxiety attacks are driving me crazy. I think they are linked to Braxton Hicks. How odd is that?! Monday (our next appointment with the doctor) seems so far away and the concept of J leaving the state has me dizzy.

I am running away now to knit and watch my daughter play with her friends … denial and escape are a very very good thing

Pic of the Day ~ Becca and her Daddy ~

I woke up this morning, feeling refreshed and cozy! I hate to say it but not sharing a bed when this pregnant is so so nice! Becca was having troubles falling back to sleep in the middle of the night so J went to lie down with her. He usually comes back after she has settled but fell asleep instead. So this morning I could not help myself but to take a couple pictures … they are so cute all snuggled up, completely asleep! hehe! It has to be tough being married to a blogger hehehe!

Janet is participating in a uber cool interview game, and I am looking for any and all distractions … So I jumped at the opportunity to answer some questions from the always cool, Janet ….

1. In High School we could find you….?

When not in class (I was studious when need be!), I was either in the cafeteria playing cards, gossiping with the girls … or taking off to a friend’s house that lived near by the school … or smoking in the girl’s bathroom (so not cool, but eh when you are 17 you totally think it is … stupid girl)

2. You are such a lover, have you ever gotten into any fights?

One girl totally beat the crap out of me in high school. I think we may have hots for the same guy or something. Some guy with a rake chased her off. I felt like such a loser. I was never really into the fighting thing …

3. What is the color of motherhood?

I have to say this is a cool question. After giving it some thought, I have to go with the colour of Motherhood is a rainbow …  There are moments that are yellow … mellow and tranquil. Other moments that are hot like red, or sad like blue … fun like green, unique like purple … the spectrum of colours could represent the spectrum of emotions that Motherhood holds … in a single day!

4. What does Canada mean to you?

HOME … and at the moment the impossible dream … ~sigh~

5. Heavy duty drugs for the birth or au natural?

Can I answer this after the fact?!?!?! hehe. My hope is to go au natural. To listen to my body, be in sync and go with it. I attempted that feat when I was induced with Becca … I lasted a few hours then was begging, pleading and crying for the drugs. Since I may be induced this go around too, I figure I want to be open minded to drugs … But still listen to my body. I have made it to 2 cm so hey how hard can the rest be?!?! HAHAHA!

So do you wanna play!?!? Come on, distract me from my worries! Leave a comment saying you want to play and I will ask you some questions based soley on YOU!

Pic of the Day ~ The Belly at 36.5 Weeks ~

We had an OB appointment this morning. However, before I tell you the news I want to share a few things with you.

First off, last night I was knitting on the couch. I have been a tad crampy, my ligaments in my pelvic area are sore and tender, so I know things are working. Well I was feeling uncomfortable so I stood up to walk it off … I made it a few steps when I had like BAD pain, so being an avid reader, I tried to change what I was doing as the books suggested when experiencing a Braxton Hicks contraction. Well the pain pretty much took me down like a tranquilized elephant.

So there I am writhing on the floor in the living room, crying and laughing at the same time. J comes out of the bathroom (where Becca is taking a bath), to try to figure out what the commotion is all about. He figured the kids outside where yelling. He looks for me but cannot see me on the floor behind the chair … I felt like such a dork lying there laughing, tears streaming down my face … So J assumes I fell and gets all worried and I am trying to tell him that I went down I did not fall down …. Only me I swear … The pain subsided and all was well the rest of the evening!

J booked a flight last night for NEXT week. He will be flying to New Mexico for a job interview for a second post-doc position at the National Lab there. Since he is a foreign national (hehe what they call him) there are particular security issues at play so the window of opportunity is a small one. Therefore it was necessary to go next week. He was unable to purchase insurance for cancellation due to the fact that it is so close to my due date.

At the OB appointment today, our doctor did an internal exam ….

Last week I was 25% effaced (no big really) …..

This week …. 50% effaced and TWO centimeters dilated … the colour drained from J’s face … Now to be fair that is still not like I am delivering anytime soon, heck I could stay at 2 cm till well past my due date, however even the doctor was surprised to see how far my body had progressed.

We do have a back up plan. My friend Marina is willing to come be my labour coach if J is out of state when I go into labour. Our friends Erin and Adam will take care of Becca and Holly said she would come get Becca for a playdate to relieve some of the burden on Erin. In the meantime, my Mother-in-law is on call and well, I guess the worse case scenario is that J misses the birth of his son!

So I am excited that my body is working like it should and that all is well with Ethan. I am nervous that things will progress faster than we would like, yet I am anxious to meet our little boy. However waiting till the due date is ok with me too….Egads! I should pack the bag eh?

I finally posted some photos and a post on my Knitting Blog and Flickr!