Pic of the Day ~ Becca Boo ~

I was reading Tasha’s post this morning over at Mommy Needs to Vent, and I rambled so much in her comments I thought I should bring the conversation over here too. Please feel free to read what she has to say, for she writes beautifully and really gets me thinking every time I pop over.

Tasha wrote about how much is too much when it comes to makeup and Moms. Honestly I wear more make up now that I a Mom than I did before! I am a very casual, jeans, T-shirt kinda girl that was very natural before having my daughter (who am I kidding I still wear that! hehe!). Then I started hanging out with other Moms at group functions and play dates and I felt like I was not putting my best foot forward being that casual. It was not that I was judged by them (at least not openly!! haha!), I was judging myself and how I viewed them in light of me .. if that makes sense …

So now I do not go out without taking a little time for myself. It usually is a 5-7 minute makeup moment, however it makes me feel like I am putting myself out there at my best. That I care about how I look as a woman, a mom and a person. Last year, struggling with depression after the miscarriage, I really let myself slide. No longer did I wear makeup, jinkies, I think I was lucky to be dressed everyday. It was not until my BFF Sheila came to see me in November that I really realized how little I was doing to maintain myself. I had started to take more time but really her visit changed it for me.

I also want to be a good role model for my daughter. Some day (all too soon I fear) she will be looking to the world for role models and I hope to be one of them for her to guide her way. Taking in pride in how you look is not just about vanity in my opinion. It is knowing who you are and how you want to be perceived by the world. It represents self confidence and assurance when you are put together well. Now I am not saying that has to include makeup and big hair. Rather having a sense of who you are, then presenting it. There are many women in whom I hold in high regard that wear no makeup at all, and others still that wear more in a week than I do in half a year. It is how they present it all as a package that makes a difference to me.

I think Tasha looks beautiful and I would not pass her in the store and think that she had too much make up on, rather that she took the time to care about herself as a woman. However in the very same breath and moment in time, I would not pass by a Mother in sweats and no makeup and think that she was a slob. Instead I would not pass judgment on either woman. I am not big into the idea of judging others based on appearance or choices for that matter. How do I know what is going on for either woman?!? How you look on the outside cannot be a correlation to the type of mother you are. That is ridiculous. Instead I would much rather promote being comfortable with yourself, loving who you are and representing it accordingly. I can say with confidence that my husband enjoys that I am taking the time to look good. Not because he is all about a high maintenance woman, because let’s face it he does not make enough money to maintain that (hehe) rather he relishes in the fact that I care to take the time to look good.

What do you think? Should mothers look a certain way? Is there looking too good? Too sloppy? Or should it matter at all?

Pic of the Day ~ Becca Wearing my Fingerless Gloves … I so need to knit her a pair! ~

I had a terrible dream last night. I went to a hairdresser and the dude cut all my hair!! Like it was so short I could not even put it back in a ponytail and when it was dry it was one big poofter … I woke up in tears … So not getting a haircut anytime soon. *shudders* Pregnancy drams are so VIVID! Craziness!
Becca and I joined some good friends at the playground this morning. While the kids played, we chatted. Two hours those kids ran! Sadly we had to leave to get some laundry done, but Becca had such a blast. Plus, we talked about the baby shower!!! I so darn tooting excited! I can’t say I was this excited about my bridal shower (which was awesome), I am just so excited! (yeah yeah I am a dork!)

Once home I had the monumental task of sorting, washing, drying, folding and resorting all of Becca’s clothes since birth. *sigh* It was so fun, yet sad to go down memory lane with her outfits. I am keeping (as I have mentioned I am a sentimental dork) a few outfits, mostly her premature outfits and a few that she wore a lot. Someday I would like to share them with her again, if she decides to have children. I am taking the 3 huge rubbermaid containers to a consignment shop on Thursday in hopes for an awesome exchange for some cute boy clothes! That which the shop refuses will hopefully make its way to Ebay. We were able to save a container of clothes that were gender neutral for Ethan. Which with the couple outfits we have received is a good little start.

Geez kids need a lot of clothes eh? I forget since I shop for Becca on an ongoing basis, looking for deals and treasures, but to be prepared for a little baby … phew! We are cloth diapering again (this time using wool covers at home), so rather than onsies (which Becca lived in) I am one the hunt for cute and cuddly boy T-shirts. If you have any tips I would gladly take them. Most people I know that have sons, moan at the lack of choices. I have refused to allow myself to look too much since we are a little tight right now on the budget side. Being paid twice a year is hell. I challenge anyone to budget in Southern California that long … *sigh*

My back is burning and complaining from all the laundry. Becca had a great nap this afternoon, falling asleep instantly and waking refreshed. I am hoping beyond hope that her nighttime routine goes the same. J is returning to the lab tonight and I am curling up on the couch to watch Heros!!!!!!! YES, I am a geek that watch a show about super heroes! Save the Cheerleader, Save the World …. although I think I had a much different mantra in my grunge high school days … hehe …

Pic of the Day ~ Becca Modeling her New Leg Warmers ~

I received a special package in the mail! Trisha from Mommy Colored Glasses sent me some goodies from Japan as a Thank You for the blog design! I was so honoured to open it to see a cute little outfit for Ethan, a little bear, Orgami paper (something I totally want to teach Becca!) and a note with some money too! Thank you so much Trisha!

I have been feeling uninspired as of late with design and blogs. I apologize to those so patiently waiting for me to design their blog. *sigh* I have talked with J at length about the issue and he figures I am nesting, pregnant and to give myself a little break. I hope so. The thought of not designing with the same old passion, ever again frightens me. I had dreams about a design I am working on for a fellow blogger last night. This made me very excited (so much that I almost got out of bed at 5 am to work on it….almost). I have not dreamed of design for a month or so. Makes me sad.

I do wonder if my new found passion for knitting has forced the design to a back burner. Yet it was months of doing both before I fizzled out so I am hoping that is not the case. Many people have more than one hobby. Right? I also was tossing around the idea of opening up a design business, officially and hope that is not what scared away my mojo!

I am hoping it is this little boy growing inside me, stealing my attention and patience. Ethan makes me feel all glowy and mothery. I often sit in silence lately relishing in being pregnant, feeling him move and grow inside me. There is no ignoring the pains I feel as my body stretches and conforms to the demands Ethan has. I hope that the Baby Shower that was discussed will happen, I really want to celebrate this little being inside me.

Not that I need another blog, this one keeps me happy, busy and creative, yet I have revived my Wordpress.com blog that I started forever ago. It was suppose to be my geek outlet, where I ramble on about geeky stuff few people care to read about, hehe. However that really never happened. I am a busy Mom. So the blog went all neglected. Then I had posts here about my obsession with knitting that received much less feedback than I have become accustomed to. Sadly I am addicted to comments. I am a comment fiend. I want them. I gobble them up and use them to feed my ego! hehehe! So I started writing about knitting over at the old Wordpress.com blog. Ironically, my obsession to knitting includes writing about it. It is almost as fun to write about knitting as it is knitting?!?! hehe I am a geek. So if you are a knitter, want to be a knitter or just adore me (haha) you can pop over and check it out. I will refer to it here on occasion, but really it is a knitting sanctuary for me to play around with (and return not bore my readers to tears with all this talk about dying wool and felting and stitches and blocking … )

J has had a busy weekend with errands and work. Becca and I have vegged out doing very little so far, hehe. Yesterday evening we went over to friends’ house for dinner. It is nice to get out and visit as a family. It is not something we have really done before. Becca is enjoying being around their little one and it is always nice to see her interact with other children, especially little ones!

Hope your weekend is wonderful and relaxing ….

Pic of the Day ~ Still Growing ~

What is hard is stopping a pregnant woman from crying once she has started! Hormones! Why is it men are not plague by the wretched hormones?!?! I have good days, but darn it this morning was not one of them. I was an emotional basket case …. why? Dunno. Just because.

However getting emails like this one does not help!

Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from
within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love
you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t,” knowing,
in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A
relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you
see me enjoying him-as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only now, we are
three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I
begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer
afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but
equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love
you-only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that
for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you–both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. -Author Unknown

*crying again*

Took Becca to the doctor this morning for her last set of vaccinations until she is school age. We pretend play doctor all the time, but getting a “real” needle surprised Becca. She began to cry looked the doctor in the eye and said “You made my leg hurt!” with this very serious, shocked expression on her face. The doctor was taken aback a little and replied “Yup” … haha so I told Becca that the needles would keep her from getting really sick. “Oh .. still hurt” she replies…then adds “Can I read a book now?” the doctor was dumb founded and left the room laughing.

At lunch Becca told me she had a good morning. I looked at her a little confused then hugged her so tight. How cool is my daughter?!?!??! I have mental breakdown then take her for a shot in each leg and she still says it was a good morning! It is a good thing she is such a cool kid and not emotionally scarred from my emotion breakdowns. I like to think it is all the times she has had a meltdown and I turn around and tell her I love her that makes the difference. I try hard to ensure that she knows no matter what she is loved … I guess she does the same for me …. parenting rocks.

Pic of the Day ~ Daddy and Becca at the Eye Specialist ~

My gorgeous husband turns 30 today! I am in awe that for the last ten years I have swooned for this man. My love for J has only grown over the years, watching him become the man, husband and father he has become.

Before rushing off to work, Becca and I presented him with his birthday gifts. Not much at all considering I would adore giving him the moon and the stars, but he was completely overjoyed with the gifts. We gave him a pair of hand knit & felted mocs that I secretly was knitting for the past few weeks (I also made a matching pair for Ethan and included his son’s slippers as the gift, that made J especially happy) and a book that was just published that he wanted. We are taking him out for burgers tonight, and I spent the last few days baking his favorites, oatmeal cookies with raisins, moc mints & a cake for tonight.

Becca has been practicing the Happy Birthday song and was bursting to give Daddy his presents. It is so cute to see her enjoy the act of giving too. She of course is looking very much forward to the cake and ice cream tonight (she is so excited she has yet to sleep and is being a monster in her room as I type! Yet for the last few days she has slept for up to three hours, so it is not that she is not in need of the sleep).

Our parents sent the nector of the gods (aka money thank you!!!!!) and J’s sister sent the very coolest laptop backpack (also included in the care package was Twizzlers (mmmm), cat stickers and a moose for Becca and the most adorable outfit for Ethan (thank you Kristie!)) J is hoping to get a pair of jeans after discovering a hole in a location that is not for sharing with the world in his old pair! I swear he is totally clothes oblivious! To give him credit to wear nice clothes into the lab only leads to your wife being extremely annoyed to discover acid holes throughout the article of clothing.

We took Becca to see her amazing Eye Specialist yesterday morning. Becca’s eyes have improved again (w00t) and before we move, the doctor will reevaluate her prescription. Becca will need glasses for a few years to treat her strabismus, however the treatment is working really well and that is wonderful news! So glad we evaded eye surgery.

There is a cake patiently waiting for icing so I better jet … Happy Birthday J, We all Love You so very Much!