Pics of the Day ~ Becca The Cat & Her Daddy the M&M and Mommy~!

Happy Halloween Everyone! We had such a great day! Becca and I had to do some errands this morning so we dropped off J at work. After we were all done we played until lunch. After lunch, Becca had a tough time napping, this time change has not helped her get back into a routine

J came home a little early so we could stop by our apartment complex office to have Becca’s picture taken for a costume contest then we all had an early dinner. We drove out to a area that had houses (since we live in an all apartment area), and the streets all seemed so quiet. In Canada, everyone Trick or Treats early since it is bound to snow or get frikin freezing. Here in California it seems kids start a little later. Becca ha dfallen asleep in the car so we drove around a bit then parked and woke Becca up.

It kinda felt like child labour out there Here is our little Becca, obviously way too little to enjoy the fruits of her labour & her greedy parents cashing in on the candy!!!! Seriously we took her out for the experience of Halloween and could care a less if she received candy (altho an added bonus ). We all had a great time wathcing her be all shy with the people swooning over how cute she was. She was a real doll for everyone, giving them all small smiles and not wanting to take the candy! It was AWESOME! Next year will be even better since she will be way more aware of the whole deal!

A quick shout out to Marz and Nate….We are very sorry you missed Halloween and we hope you feel better soon Nate!

Happy Halloween!!

Pic of the Day ~ Becca at the Park!

J went into work today, so Becca and I tackled the laundry. She is so enjoying being outside and wandering about. When I took the laundry to the laundry room to dry it, she would explore the surrounding area (everything here is outside, even the stairs to the upstairs apartments. That so would not happen in Canada!). She had a blast runnign on the grass and picking up garbage!

Since this weekend was the time change, Poor Becca fell asleep during lunch! So we both headed for a nap. J got home just as Becca and I were getting up. J seriously is the best husband ever. Even though I had had a nap while Becca slept I was stillf eeling yucky, so he took her out to the park and grocery shopping while I napped the rest of the day away! I am so lucky to have that much support from him! UGH! I really really hope this icky feeling passes soon. I slept most of the afternoon and I am already ready for bed!

We carved our pumpkin tonight. Becca thought it was pretty nifty However, she was much more interested in riping the newspaper to shreds I can’t wait till tomorrow!!!

Pic of the Day ~ Becca Playing with her Great Grandma!

We had such a wonderful day!!! As a family, Becca, J & I went over to a mall that was hosting a Radio Disney Costume Contest. Becca did not win, however she was competing with a 1 month old Hot Dog! (He was too cute!). It was so cool to watch Becca in her costume, watching the other kids! (by the way I am not posting a pic of Becca in her costume till Halloween No Peeking!)

Ok with all the craziness lately I keep forgetting to mention the AWESOME care package we received from J’s Mom!! She sent down, J’s old blanket (so cool, it is a quilt with all the nursery rhymes stitched onto it with pictures!), his old Teddy Bear & some wicked cool books. I feel so fortunate that my mother-in-law saved all these cherished items and is sharing them with Becca! Becca has the Best Grandma Ever!

This evening Becca and I took a walk around the apartment complex. She absolutely loves wandering about and checking out everything. Too fun to watch! J picked up apumpkin for us to carve and I am so getting into the spirit of Halloween! Having kids so makes Halloween better I can hardly wait to take Becca trick or treating!!!

Ok J Sent me this Link and I HAD to share it with you all! I hope no one takes offense since it does venture off from what I normally post about……However, I seriously LMAO for half an hour!!! Enjoy!

Confession of Gum Swallower:
This is the confession of a gum-swallower. I admit it. For as long as I can remember, I have always swallowed my bubble gum instead of throwing it out. This used to be a major subject of contention with my mother when I was a child, as she was convinced that the practice would lead to my untimely demise. The gum mass was indigestible according to her, you see, and as such could not pass properly through the gastrointestinal tract. I was at great risk of numerous medical conditions because of this questionable assertion, including “twisted intestines,” “stomach pileup,” and choking to death on my own vomit after the bubble gum body inevitably attempts to escape through my esophagus, closing the pipes indefinitely on the way out.

Naturally, I never believed a single word the old lady said. I’ve been a gum-swallower my entire life, right up until my mid-20s. It was only then that I experienced a veritable epiphany of how wise my mother may actually have been.

Several weeks ago, I purchased a fairly large quantity of Dubble Bubble for my daughter’s gum ball machine. The amount of gum I acquired was directly proportional to my own developed taste for the product, since it resembled crack cocaine in addictiveness. After originally buying the pre-filled gum ball machine, I’d proceeded to consume almost the entire contents in just a few short days, and thought I’d better stock up on the stuff if I was to maintain a positive relationship with my young child.

Unfortunately, much like Al Pacino in “Scarface,” when confronted with such a sizeable amount of pseudo-cocaine, I attacked it with relish. I practically lived off bubble gum for several days. I couldn’t get enough. I ate six, seven, sometimes eight small globes at a time in an attempt to find the perfect mix of synthetic flavors. I studied the texture of chewed gum by placing the most perfect tooth and fingerprint impressions ever taken outside of a crime lab. I watched with fascination as I created drab shades of gray from the most myriad selection of brightly colored items. I was almost a scientist of bubble gum by the end of those few days, you see. And each experiment became yet another lump lying heavy on my stomach.

Alas, I was destined for trouble. After consuming such a vast quantity of bubble gum, certain bodily processes started to become strange. My bowel movements rotated from frequent to nearly constipated for several days. For the life of me, I couldn’t predict at what point the need to crap would attack. When I did plop down to plop, both the defecation process and the subsequent wiping would seem almost…

Sticky.

This went on for another day or two. It was only then that an event occurred that would change my philosophy on gum swallowing forever. Perhaps the bolus of evil had lodged itself in my colon somewhere just as my mother claimed it would, or perhaps the passing of such hideousness naturally requires an extended length of time; I fear I will never know the answer. All I know is that during an otherwise perfectly normal evening of watching television and reading a book, the cramps began.

I’m reasonably confident that I know what childbirth feels like now. It felt as though my colon was uncoiling and recoiling itself within my abdomen. I rushed to the bathroom and sat down, expecting a torrent of acidic pain. Ah, if only I’d been so lucky! When the defecation came, it felt as though it came out sideways. My sphincter cried out in agony, the toilet sang in joy at the miracle it was about to receive. When I regained consciousness and brought myself to the point of wiping, I discovered the true horror of the evening.

Before continuing, I consider it necessary to make one qualification. I possess a rather… how you say, furry posterior. I freely admit this. I am a man of gum swallowing and a hairy ass. A hairy ass that was now virtually plastered with partially digested bubble gum.

If you’ve ever tried to get gum out of the hair on your head, you’ll understand the conundrum that I was in. Once bubble gum has attached itself to the hair follicle, the two are inseparable. Inseparable like night and day. Inseparable like my ass CHEEKS now were, welded together with a mass of rapidly hardening cement.

After realizing what had happened, I understandably wished to keep the gravity of the situation private. One does not glue his ass cheeks together with fecal bubble gum and spread the proverbial word, you see. And so, I sat and thought. Thought HARD. What do you do? How am I going to get myself out of this one?

Okay, let’s think about this. We have an uneven mass of bubble gum in the ass hair. It needs to come out, obviously. But how do you get gum out of hair? I recall someone telling me that peanut butter is the only recourse. No, f**k that, I’m not making a goddamn sandwich in my ass. The thought of slathering brown sludge in with other brown sludge was not appealing.

Well, option number one: rip it out. old school, yo!!. So, using a small strip of toilet paper as a -=-=-=-=-shield, I grabbed a lump of the offending plaster and yanked.

WELL HOLY BUGGERY DUCKNUTS, BATMAN! That made my eyes water and my skull expand. Option number one is officially discarded, along with a healthy strip of my taint. Where do we go from here?

Well, maybe option number one isn’t *totally* flawed. I’ll take a shower! That’ll loosen it up, right?

WRONG.

The bubble gum has become ONE with my ass hair now. They are no longer separate entities by any stretch of the imagination. They are joined at the cellular level. Their electrons circle each other in a spinning mass of beauty and PAIN.

Now what? The taint is an area of the body far too sensitive to have hair ripped from it. You might as well expect me to rip off my arm to scratch an itch on my finger.

It was around then that I came to the only logical conclusion. We have to
*shave* it out, old bean. I’m sorry, dear sweet anus, but it’s the only way. But what shall I shave it with, dear Liza, dear Liza?

I can’t use the hand razor I shave my face with, certainly; would I be able to shear my whiskers every morning while knowing where it had been? That microglobs of poo-gum were being ground into my cheeks and neck?

No, certainly not! I do, however, have a small beard trimmer that might do the job. It was only a few dollars at Wal-Mart, after all; I can burn it when I’m done. Alrighty then, pants off, left leg up on the sink, offending mass of bubble gum presented comfortably, mirror positioned on the floor to help me aim. Okay, razor on, let’s do this thing!

DEAR SWEET ZOMBIE IT’S STUCK!

Well isn’t this wonderful, the undeniable reflex to jump and run from pain has kicked in! I’m now hopping around the bathroom with this two inch electric razor jammed firmly into my ass, dangling around like some sort of freakish technological tail.

The forces of physics have turned on me now. Gravity pulls the razor down as the momentum of my pain dance spins and twists it ever further into the tenderness of my crack. Screams begin to emerge through my gritted teeth. I try desperately to avoid waking my child and/or alerting my delightfully unsuspicious wife. After all, what would I tell them?

“Are you okay, dear?”

“Daddy, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing much. I tried to shave the bubblegum out of my ass, and now I’m waving the razor around like a second penis. Don’t mind me, go back to sleep!”

Okay, I’ve calmed myself down. I cradle the offending piece of plastic and agony in an attempt to reduce the pressure on my tormented rectum. Well now you’re in a real pickle, eh? You thought it couldn’t get any worse, didn’t you?

It was around this point that I started to get my head on straight. One must keep in mind how difficult it is to employ high-level cognitive abilities when one is experiencing pain in his most sensitive of areas. Thankfully, my wits had returned.

The razor wasn’t going to come out. I was faced with several options: A) Shave it out. Cut it out.

Solution A wasn’t viable since I’d already destroyed my only non-vital razor. The only problem with B was that there were no scissors in the bathroom; in fact, the only scissors I could think of were down the hall, within the cutlery drawer of the kitchen. My wife was using the computer in the living room, and could very likely see the bathroom door…

Yet the pros greatly outweighed the cons.

So, hopping like a crippled dog, I held the electric beard trimmer firmly against my battered ass hair and fumbled my way down the hall, praying to any possible deities that my wife wouldn’t take this occasion to come get a snack or a glass of water. There was no answer for the situation I was in. The fates decided to smile upon me, I suppose. It seems perfectly reasonable that they would, of course, since they’d taken it upon themselves to so thoroughly destroy my sanity up until that point. I managed to duck-walk my way back to the bathroom, and with a carefulness that only a surgeon could appreciate, delicately extracted the clipper from myself.

Using the scissors, it didn’t take all that long to snip away the majority of my post-gum. I shaved two long swaths into my ass, in fact, which resulted in the most agonizing discomfort over the next few days. Imagine rubbing two sheets of coarse sandpaper together. Then imagine a thin coat of unabsorbed poop-sweat turning the whole thing into a circus of embarrassment and skid marks. If there’s a deep and philosophical message to be found in what I’ve written, it’s lost on me. All I know is that under no circumstances should you ever… EVER… swallow your bubble gum.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pic of the Day ~ Becca & Her Daddy Meet Chicken Little!
Becca & I had a veg out morning watching a Dora Marathon on Nick Jr, then we went outside and played on her playground. I let the cat out with us, just for giggles and Becca had a blast chases him around the yard!

After lunch we both took a nap, then cruised over to Kmart! OMG! I got the most amazing deal!! Isn’t awesome when you get a good deal…I swear it is like crack for shoppers Anyway, the local kmart is renovating so all their clearance stuff is an additional 75% off! I found this great Ride-on FireTruck with a Hat for $4!!! She did not really NEED another ride on toy (she has two), but for $4 who can pass that up?

It takes Becca & 25 minutes to go check the mail Becca stops to examine everything along the way, then stops at the gate to the pool and whines, then proceeds to stop and examine everything. It is fun to watch ehr discover things for the first time. There was a dandlion that was seeded and she touched it and all the seeds flew away….She was in awe! Too Cute!

I was just about to put Becca in her highchair to start supper when J called. Seems J kinda spilled chemicals all over himself and pleaded for a ride home (and spare shoes and clothes!). Becca and I hoped into the car and rescued her Daddy! There he was on the side of the street barefoot and ready to come home! Poor J!

I saw this cool link about Birthdays at Happiness is a Good Nap and decided to check it out…Here are my Birthday Stats!

You were born on a Thursday
under the astrological sign Aries.

The year 1976 was a leap year.

As of 10/28/2005 2:15:39 PM CDT
You are 29 years old.
You are 354 months old.
You are 1,542 weeks old.
You are 10,795 days old.
You are 259,094 hours old.
You are 15,545,655 minutes old.
You are 932,739,339 seconds old.
You are 4.22504892367906 dog years old. (You’re still chasing cats!)

There are 162 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 30 candles

Those 30 candles produce 30 BTUs,
or 7,560 calories of heat (that’s only 7.5600 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.43 US ounces of water with that many candles.

hehe Fun Fun! Here are Becca’s Stats:

Your date of conception was on or about 21 October 2003.

You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Cancer.

The year 2004 was a leap year.

As of 10/28/2005 2:19:54 PM CDT
You are 1 years old.
You are 15 months old.
You are 67 weeks old.
You are 472 days old.
You are 11,342 hours old.
You are 680,539 minutes old.
You are 40,832,394 seconds old.
You are 0.184735812133072 dog years old. (You’re just a pup!)

There are 258 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 2 candles

Those 2 candles produce 2 BTUs,
or 504 calories of heat (that’s only 0.5040 food Calories!) .
You can boil 0.23 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Too Fun! Have a Great Pre-Halloween Weekend!